I don’t know what to say today, friends. I am writing this post on Sunday morning, upon the wise advice of my friend Tara. Why? Because today I weighed-in and the scale said 199.6. I didn’t cry. I smiled at my naked self in the mirror. And I wrote it down on my daily weight log. And then I thought, “I can’t tell anyone. Not yet. What if I jinx it?”
Yeah. Still a lot of work to do mentally on this journey. But the cool thing is I know I’m not alone. Chatting with Tara about this today, I realized that there’s still a tiny piece of the “I’ll never be able to lose this weight” Valerie hidden deep inside me. And you know what? That’s okay, too. Because that voice, that doubt? The only thing that can make it go silent is success. And that part? I’ve got covered.
I finally know that I will reach my goal weight (whatever that is). I finally believe that I have it within me to make a lifetime of healthy choices. To have a normal relationship with food. To achieve whatever physical goals I may set for myself. To be an athlete…or not, if that’s not what I want. I’m no longer desperate to attain someone else’s idea of healthy or perfect or good. I’m driven to live my best life, not yours or anyone else’s. And none of this belief in myself came about because I reached Onederland; in fact, I have finally reached Onederland because I believe in myself.
199.6. I didn’t even take a picture. I was so dazed that I just got dressed, made my coffee, and spent the next hour going, “seriously?! wow.” And as I type this an hour later, I still feel that way. I’ll post this on Tuesday when I am ready to share this news with you all. Because there really is a little crazyinmyhead that says, “don’t tell! it’s not real!” But you know what? It is real. No matter what happens a day later or a week later, this is real. I saw Onederland on the scale. I know I will stay here, and I know the scale will continue dipping downward towards my healthy weight. And that? No amount of crazyinmyhead can take that away from me.
No related posts.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. Congratulations. I was afraid to tell my husband because I didn’t want him to know that I had been over 200 (I was ~225 at my heaviest). He’s 6’5″ and I don’t think he’s ever been over 200. It wasn’t until I weighed less than him that I told him.
Karen, that was true for me for a long time after I met my husband! He’s known my weight for a while now, and as I got close to weighing less than him, I’d ask him weekly how much he weighed! Getting under 200 happened just a few days after I weighed less than my husband for the first time. I love it!
Congrats Val, that’s very exciting! I know exactly what you mean though, I still have that nagging voice in the back of my head, telling me I can’t do this, or that eventually I’ll fail and that the weight will come back (again). We’ve just got to shut out that little voice and continue to, as you said, believe in ourselves. It’s pretty amazing how much we’re capable of.
It IS amazing how much we’re capable of, Brandon. I know YOU can do this, so I keep telling myself that I need to believe in myself with the same passion that I believe in all of you, my blogging friends. We got this!
Congrats!! Good that you believe in yourself, as your readers have for so long!
I know exactly what to say, HOT DAMN! Val- you have worked so very hard! I have that nagging voice as well, and its amazing to know that despite that voice, our body is moving toward a skinnier, healthier us! I am so happy for you! Congratulations– you’re getting it done!
CONGRATS!!! It is such a good feeling to be under 200! I remember that first moment very well and I almost cried I was so happy!
WOW, this is such great news Valerie. This is why I read blogs like this. Because it is people like you who inspire me to move forward during all the bad times so I can enjoy all the good that will come.
Seriously…this is knockout news! We all knew you could do it and you proved us right. Enjoy this Valerie, and all the other success that comes in the future.
Vinny, thanks for the congrats & the comment! Do you blog? I’d love to check yours out if you do! Otherwise I’ll content myself with stalking you on Twitter. It blows my mind to hear/see people say that I’m an inspiration, but that’s what I think about all of you, so I guess I should get over being surprised & embrace it!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is something magical about seeing a 1 in front of our weight that solidifies our commitment to this journey. We cross over and even those negative voices that beat us down on a daily basis are quiet as we contemplate the next portion of our weight loss.
I love you Val and am honored to be on this journey with you. I’m even more honored to call you my friend!
I love you too and am SO glad you’re my friend!
Excellent work, and insight, Val! New reader and commenter here. I’m totally amazed at how so many bloggers are doing things for the right reason these days—WE are doing it for ourselves! Not for anyone else, not because someone thinks we should be skinny, or thinks we should run a marathon, or thinks we should be the same size we were back in high school. We’re doing it because it’s time to pay our bodies back for all the trouble we’ve caused it. Thanks for the post. It was very helpful.
“It’s time to pay our bodies back for all the trouble we’ve caused it.” That is so true, Mac. Thanks for the comment – I look forward to checking out your blog!
CONGRATULATIONS!!! I’m so proud of you!
keep on keepin’ on 
Congratulations!!! That is so awesome!
Yay Val! Good job, great work, you’re awesome! I wish you all the best and many more blessings as you continue on this journey.
Thanks, old friend. I mean, friend from a long time ago. Not “old” old. YOU know what I mean! Truly, thanks for the encouragement! Blessings to you, too!
you may not have cried – but I’ve got tears to share – I’m so excited for you. This is wonderful news!
YAHOOEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU did it!
Thank you for saying that reaching Onederland isn’t what makes you believe you’ll reach your goals (because I was seriously starting to sink into a depression that I wouldn’t feel my goals were attainable until I had reach your level of achievement: losing 100 pounds). BUT that you reached this goal and will go on to reach your other goals because you BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. That’s beautiful. And powerful.
BTW, I can feel your grin all the way out here in Utah.
How’s my grin feel all the way out there??
It’s really true, and you know this from the conversations we share every day. If I had waited until I had achieved “success” of one measure or another to believe in myself, I’d still be waiting. Instead, I’ve been learning to know my worth all along, and THAT is what has finally allowed me to get where I’m at.
That and finding this protocol which is a miracle for me.
Thank you for always being there and for your wonderful friendship!
GAH!! Amazing Val! Congrats you fabulous inspiration you! It took a while for it to set in for me too – but then I embraced it. I know you will too. Onderland baby – you have arrived!!
Did I mention I’m super psyched for you – I’ll be crazy excited over here for you until you start to feel it.
I’m feeling it!! But no need for you to get UNexcited just yet!
Awesome!!!! That 200 pound barrier is a huge one, mentally and weight wise and you have beat it, just keep remembering that you CAN do this!
I’m so proud of you! You will reach your goal weight, you do have a healthy relationship with food. You are amazing and strong and wonderful and beautiful. I love you (and I’m totally doing the silent weep in the school library).
I love the silent weep. And I love you, too. Thank you for saying all those beautiful things.
Yes you will (reach you goal)! Welcome to onederland girl. It is fun here
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
lololol.
had to.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!
You so have this, I am so happy for you…hope the flying monkeys and the good witch of the north met you on the yellow brick road to usher you over…*insert harp music here*
yeaaaahhhh.
This made my day.
You rock, Chris! Your comment made me laugh out loud at work. Thanks!
Congratulations!!!!
Welcome to the Partay!!! Congrats
Awesome!!! I remember seeing a number below 200 was a very surreal experience for me. I knew I had worked hard to get there & I knew I deserved it… but it wasn’t quite the emotional high I anticipated it would be.
Keep up the great attitude & commitment to yourself… you are doing an amazing job!!!
GREAT NEWS!!!!
I’m catching up on everyone’s news and this is some of the best I’ve read tonight! Keep up the terrific work you are doing for yourself–it’s all paying off in a big way!
Seriously Ah-Mazing!!! You inspire me
Good Lord can I relate to those feelings!
CONGRATULATIONS girl!!! I am so immensely proud of you. For hitting Onederland? Sure. But mostly for believing in yourself.
You inspire me. Please know that!!!
(sorry I’m late to the party!)
Josie, this is one party that is NOT gonna end, so there’s no such thing as late! Thanks for saying I inspire you. YOU inspire ME!
This is SO late, but I am so thrilled for you. Congrats!!!! I love the sentiments you’ve expressed here – that because you are now believing in yourself you’ve attained the goal, and not the other way around. So healthy, and so true!
You inspire me in ways that are big and small every single day.
Bella, thank YOU for your wonderful comment! I didn’t set out to inspire anyone but myself. But I’m SO glad that my story can encourage you as yours encourages me!