That word up there? The title of this post? That one little word, I am realizing, is going to be one of the keys to my life. To my happiness. To my ability to maintain a healthy weight for the rest of my life. I am sure if I went through my blog posts back to the very beginning, I would discover that this is not the first time this word has appeared on this blog. Nor will it be the last.
Wikipedia has this to say about mindfulness:
Several definitions of mindfulness have been used in modern Western psychology. According to various prominent psychological definitions, Mindfulness refers to a psychological quality that involves
bringing one’s complete attention to the present experience on a moment-to-moment basis
or involves
paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally,
or involves
a kind of nonelaborative, nonjudgmental, present-centered awareness in which each thought, feeling, or sensation that arises in the attentional field is acknowledged and accepted as it is.
Mindfulness is something that I don’t do very well, haven’t made a priority in my life, for a number of reasons. It requires me to slow down and pay attention to myself, my circumstances, my feelings, my thoughts. That is uncomfortable for me because I’m not used to it, and it feels like a lot of effort and a lot of time to me. Another reason I avoid mindfulness is that mindfulness and denial cannot coexist! And, if I’m being honest, sometimes denial is a lot more comfortable than awareness. Or, if it’s not comfortable, exactly…at least it’s not painful. Which mindfulness can be. I’ve talked before about how I have used food to disconnect with my feelings or circumstances, so if I’m using food like that, you can imagine that choosing to be mindful…to fully experience the feelings that I was trying to avoid to begin with…well, that’s a toughie for me.
I’m realizing even as I type this post that part of the reason I have avoided the practice of mindfulness in my life is fear. And if you know me at all, you know this does not sit well with me. I believe that fear is the opposite of faith and love. I want to live my life from a place of faith and love, not from a place of fear. So here we go…realizing that means I have to give this mindfulness thing a shot. If for no other reason than I refuse to let fear win.
I wonder where the fear comes from, though. And I wonder, at what point in my life did I go from the utter and complete mindfulness of the way a child experiences life – fully in the moment! not worried about the future! experiencing every sensation, feeling, and experience as it comes! … well, when did I go from living like that, to living without really living? Just skating by? Not really experiencing every moment, but sort of…surfing on the wave of life in a very passive way? (And yes, I realize that this whole post is a grammatical nightmare. Sue me.)
I feel like I’ve been having a series of mini-revelations lately. Not really new revelations, but reaffirmations of things I know, but haven’t fully embraced. Things I’ve realized but had forgotten. Add this one to the list. The posts I’ve written lately are coming from a place of introspection. And, to be honest, some fear. I haven’t shaken the 15 years of obesity from my mind yet. There’s a part of me that is afraid this is a dream. That I will wake up and never have lost the weight. Or that I will gain it all back again, because after all – that is what I do.
Well, not anymore. What I do is keep going. Do the next thing. Put one foot in front of the other. Experiment – with workouts, with food, with all of it. Acknowledge the fear, but refuse to allow it a place in my heart or my decision-making process.
This is not a short trip with a destination. This is for life. And that is why this time is different. I’m in this for life. Ups and downs. Good and bad. Hard and easy. Whatever it takes.
Right now, what I know is that part of what it will take is slowing down. Being mindful. Being in the moment more often than not. Experiencing all of what life throws my way actively, rather than passively surfing along and getting by. I don’t know yet exactly how I am going to embrace this whole mindfulness thing. But I want to do it.
This is where you come in. Do you practice mindfulness or a similar discipline that requires you to consciously live each moment of life? Any good books or websites you can refer me to? Tips for how I can incorporate this practice into my life? Stories about how practicing mindfulness has changed your life?
Related posts:
“I believe that fear is the opposite of faith and love.”
I think that if we allow fear to keep us from moving forward then yes it would be the opposite of faith and love.
However, when we acknowledge that fear, stand in front of it and proclaim that even in that fear we will move forward and come to realize in the end the fear has no power, then it is nothing but FAITH AND LOVE in ourselves.
We do the same thing (both positive and negative) because it’s safe and we know what we’re doing. We know the successes and the failures and in that feel comfort. Val, think about the first time you stepped up to the starting line of your first 5k. How scared were you? Did you look around and think “What am I doing here with these guys”. You probably thought you wouldn’t finish. You probably thought people were going to laugh at you as you ran by them.
That was fear telling you wouldn’t do it.
When you crossed the finish line?
That was Faith and Love telling you, you had nothing to be fearful of.
Tara recently posted..A new type of Self Sabotage…
Good distinction – it’s not the absence of fear that I’m after, but the courage and faith to act IN SPITE of that fear, to do what I know is good and right and true. Thanks T!
seattlerunnergirl recently posted..3 Christmas Gifts
Denial is easier short term, hell long term.
You are awake, and once you are…you can try to go back to sleep but it is reallly hard.
Being awake, staying awake….being mindful and present.
I try to do that daily.
We lose it as adults because we have to plan…and sometimes life is so scary we block those bits out. But being present is the best way to live…it is something I am trying to get a handle on myself. Good post.
Good point – that we change from living in the moment to blocking things out because they are scary. I’m not scared anymore, or if I am I want to FEEL my life anyways! How are you working on getting a handle on being present? I want to know!
seattlerunnergirl recently posted..3 Christmas Gifts
I agree %100!! Being mindful is so important! How much weight have you lost all together?
Adrienne Osuna recently posted..Large
My highest recorded weight was 298.6 and I’m in the 190s now, so hovering around 100+ pounds!
Wow to 100!!! Amazing!
Adrienne Osuna recently posted..Merry Christmas!
I am so with you… mindfullness is something I need, but choose not to practice because it would force me to face things I don’t really want to deal with… even though I need to BADLY. Hopefully someone will comment with some good info.
I hope so, too. I guess we have to get to the point where we want to live a full, integrated life MORE than we want to avoid the things we’re avoiding, huh?
seattlerunnergirl recently posted..3 Christmas Gifts
Oh girl, Being present in the moment is a daily battle. Because yes, when things gets tough it is easy to check out…without even realizing it. I think we lose that childlike nature as we begin to experience disappointments in life. Letdowns. Hurts. It is an ingrained method of self protection. and you are right, it doesn’t come from a place of faith, hope and love. I love this book called, Reality, for a Change, by Ennio Salucci.
Ennio is a transformational life coach whom I met while attending and helping to put together trainings that deal with this topic. Being present in the moment, living life fully…and what gets in the way of that.
Ennio’s organization is here http://reinventministries.org/
I first began living in this present moment because of the impact of these trainings. I do not do it perfectly, probably never will…but I live more present today than ever before…and get better all the time.
Thanks for sharing your resources on this, Kim! I will check out the book you mentioned.
seattlerunnergirl recently posted..3 Christmas Gifts