Several fit-blogs I’ve read this week have referred to a change in mindset the authors have experienced over time about happiness. Reducing those thoughtful, meaningful posts into the takeaway that captured my attention, what I heard them saying is that before they embarked upon their LCJ (Life Changing Journey), food was a big part of their happiness, or maybe their only source of happiness. Now, while they enjoy food, it is not the source of their happiness. They choose to live the life that brings them happiness.
Reading those posts triggered a thought in me that perhaps part of why I’m struggling right now is that I’m not feeling happy, or at least as happy as I had been for the last six months or so.
I know intellectually that my happiness needs to come from something deeper than the number on the scale or whether I’m losing weight. I’ve spent years of my adult life figuring out how to separate my happiness from my weight, and I think I had reached a point where I mostly (because I’m all about honesty here) succeeded. I started making choices to live the life I wanted and do the things that make me happy, regardless of my weight. And that is when my life and happiness really blossomed. Long before I started losing weight.
Fast-forward to 2010 when I finally started losing weight and having success with this weight loss journey. To finally have a measure of success with this LCJ also made me really, really happy. And I think that’s a good thing, a healthy thing. A normal thing, even.
But I realized that maybe my happiness at losing weight sort of … reconnected in an unhealthily-intertwined kind of way … the idea of happiness and weight loss in my mind. Such that when I am not losing weight, it feels harder to feel happy. And I make the distinction between feeling happy and being happy, because with very few exceptions, there’s really nothing about my life that I would change if I could right now. I am blessed to have a marriage that gets better every day (who knew?!). A job I really, really like. A warm, secure home. Loving family. Health. A strong body. Friends that I cherish and who make me feel cherished. All gifts for which I am intensely grateful.
So now that I’ve established that I am, when I pay attention, happy and content with my life…
Delving a bit deeper, during the weight-loss portions of my Protocol, a lot of my time has been committed to losing weight – and I wouldn’t have it any other way. As I have shed the pounds, for the first time in my adult life I feel as though my physical “self” is closer to matching up to who I feel I am on the inside than it has ever been. Integration – is that the right word for it? I’m not sure, but I know that I feel more like … ME … at this weight than I have felt … well, really, ever, as an adult.
So chalk up one more reason for the happy, right? Definitely … except, I am realizing, that part of my lack of contentedness lately seems to be stemming from the fact that I’m not losing weight right now. Which is dumb because I’m not supposed to be losing weight right now. I’m supposed to be maintaining my weight. But my happy feelings got so wrapped up in the losing weight thing recently, that I’m back in that place of not feeling happy because I’m not losing weight. And instead of being aware of that and reacting like a healthy adult, I have caught myself turning back to food to create a poor facsimile of feeling happy to replace the real happy that my heart is craving.
I’m not sure that this is some “huge” revelation. It doesn’t feel monumental. It feels like a small “oh!” moment…you know, the ones that come with a light bulb over your head in the cartoons? And I don’t know that there’s a “fix” to how I’m feeling right now, except to remember more often all of the reasons I am grateful and blessed. To disconnect my happy from my weight (and from food) and reconnect it to the important things in my life – my faith, my family, my friends, etc.
Instead of just saying I need to do that, though, I am going to take some concrete steps to do it. I am going to pull out my old journal and take 5 minutes before bed each night to write down the people/things/experiences for which I am grateful from that day. And I am going to start each morning with a prayer of thanks for the new day that I’ve been given. Reminding my heart of what’s important…that is how I am going to find my happy again.
Related posts:
I am sorry about your loss last year! Way to go on the fast mile! I hope you will be happy this holiday season! Church helps me
Adrienne Osuna recently posted..PointsPlus
Adrienne, thank you – for the congrats & the consolation & sharing what helps you. I am feeling very happy this Christmas, which is a blessing!
while I was maintaining for a few months, I really focused in on living daily. Just really enjoying things without all the weight stuff attached and it really helped me to get up the energy to refocus on losing more. Writing what you are grateful for is a fantastic way of reconnecting to the you outside of weight loss.
Maybe that’s the piece that I’m missing – letting my maintenance phase be more about LIFE and less about my weight. Thanks Chris!
Brace yourself for a long comment. But since my comment is a day late, maybe it’s less like hijacking your blog since most people probably already read the comments? But I wanted to tell you taht I think I know exactly how you feel in some ways, though for me it’s less weight related and more running-time related. I started running and was very proud of myself. Then a couple years later, I actually started getting in better shape — I did some core work and weights, started watching what I ate, and lost some weight. Cool.
The result of all that was that my running improved big time. I’ve always kept a race results spreadsheet and I bold any finish time that represents a PR at the time I get it. When I look at 2007, 2008 and 2009, there is so much bold. Sure, there were a few races where I planned to run with someone slower than me for fun and knew there wouldn’t be a PR. And sure, there were a couple legitimate “busts” where I gunned for a PR only to crash and burn. But there weren’t many. For the most part, it was PR-city for years.
Enter 2010. Weight hasn’t changed much, training hasn’t changed much, life is good. And I can’t seem to get a PR to save my life for the first 8 months of the year. And I am shocked at my crushing sense of disappointment. Instead of focusing on how hard I worked over the last few years to set the PR bar high at various distances, all I seemed to see was how others were getting PRs and getting faster and running well, and I just kept failing. Probably 10 races, 9 of which were run for a PR, and 1 of which actually produced a PR (and even that one felt like a failure because all I cared about was that I’d missed my target finish time by 15 seconds).
Then over the summer I had a birthday and it’s like the PR fairy landed on my shoulder. Suddenly I’m killing it again. In fact, since late July, I’ve done 9 races. Three where there was no PR goal (committed to pacing friends for 2, and 1 was done solely as a training run to get the miles). But all other 6 were PRs and I am trying desperately to change my perspective about them, so that when this success streak ends (as I KNOW it will), I’m not left feeling the way I was at the beginning of this year.
It’s funny how internally we tie positive feelings to things we try to measure, and how easily that can shape our whole mentality. I feel like I had a very pissy attitude during the PR-less streak and it’s a wonder my running buddies stuck with me. If only I’d looked around me at how good life was (and is), and stopped trying to measure success, I’d have been better off. Not sure how I’m going to correct this going forward, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about for some time.
Carina recently posted..Friends
Carina, thanks for the long & thoughtful comment. I don’t know the answer to any of this, but I do know that being aware of it is really important!
seattlerunnergirl recently posted..I Have Trust Issues
Whilst it’s great that you want to connect your happiness to outside of your weight loss – you also have a lot to be grateful for within it.
How about trying on that great new outfit you bought – the one that makes you feel STUPENDOUS!
Stand in front of the mirror and FEEL the gratitude rising in your heart for how wonderful you now look and FEEL. While your there, feel grateful for your strong, healthy body, all your organs working in perfect order, enabling you to be the perfect person you are.
Yes, you do have a lot “outside” to be grateful for, but look how far you’ve come, and be grateful that you can CHOOSE to be whoever you want. But just “you” is perfect.
LIve Life Happy!
Jacqueline Johns – Your Happy Life Mentor recently posted..Schedule your free chat here
What a wonderful reminder to be grateful for both my weight-related AND non-weight-related reasons for rejoicing. Thank you!
Wow, this may not be an ah-ha moment for you, but it sure is for me! I’ve now lost about 140 pounds, and for some reason I’m not happy. I have (somewhat) been able to separate food from fulfillment, but I still have a ways to go before I get to the point where I can be happy maintaining. In reality, I am planning to lose another 30 pounds, so I can’t relax, but I’m tempted to. Of course, that temptation is from the exhaustion that has come from over a year an a half of healthy living, not because I feel like I’m at a point where I’m ready to maintain.
This comment may ramble a bit–or at least, I feel that I am rambliing–but I just want you to know that you have stirred some thoughts! Thanks for that.
beej recently posted..Hot 100 Update 12
Beej, I’m glad this post stirred up some good thoughts for you! One comment…you said part of the desire to relax is coming from exhaustion over a year and a half of healthy living. Maybe you need to make some adjustments so that your healthy living choices don’t exhaust you so much? This has to be for LIFE for us to maintain a healthy weight, and I don’t know about you, but something that exhausts me? SO not gonna do that forever. Just something to chew on!
Good idea on the journaling…that kind of stuff always helps me with perspective!!
Yeah, I am thinking about adding a gratitude page to this blog and doing it there. Because this blog is the closest I’ve ever come to consistency with a “journal” or anything like it.
seattlerunnergirl recently posted..I Have Trust Issues