Archive | January, 2011

What’s Your Motivation?

By on January 31, 2011 in determination/motivation, emotional stuff, health, hope/inspiration, weight

I’ve had this draft sitting in my “posts” folder for a while and for some reason, I found it hard to write this post.  Why?  I’m not sure, but maybe it’s because I’m in a kind of “limbo” right now with respect to the source of my motivation.  For a long time, I was motivated by feeling like crap about myself.  It’s easy to “want” to lose weight when you’re 100+ pounds overweight!  Ironically, though, the more weight you lose, the less motivated you may become if “not being fat” is your motivation.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what my motivations are with respect to weight.  And I realized that it’s really not about my weight anymore.  Although I do still want to lose more weight – a fair chunk, actually – the way I feel now is amazing, night-and-day better than how I felt for all the years I was morbidly obese.  There’s a quote I’ve heard that I will proceed to totally butcher here that gets my point across, and it goes something like this: change comes when the pain of your current circumstances is bad enough to make you move from point a (here) to point b (anywhere other than here).

Well what happens when the pain of here isn’t so painful anymore?  You’ve gone from shopping in plus-size stores/departments your whole life to buying clothes in the “normal” stores or at Costco.  You’ve gone from pain in your lower back or knees or feet or all of the above to feeling vital and healthy.  No longer do you struggle to sleep well because of breathing issues or back pain.  And so on – the benefits of the weight you’ve lost are outstanding and lessen the urgency of the need to lose more weight nowquickfastandinahurry!

That’s when the real, lasting reasons for weight loss kick in.  Or when, as has happened for me, weight loss is no longer the goal.  You discover what really makes you tick.  What exercise you love.  What goals you’re dying to achieve.  And the journey becomes less about a number on the scale every day/week/month and more about you becoming the best you that you can be.

It’s not about your spouse.
It’s not about your family.
It’s not for that guy/gal you might meet on Friday night.
It’s not about looking a certain way for anyone else…or at all.
It’s not about your high school reunion.
It’s not about what others think of you.

Instead…

It’s about you.
What you love.
What YOU think of you.
Who you want to be.
How you want your life to look, forever.
Has to be for you, for your life, forEVER.

So, yeah…that’s what I’m thinking about these days.  And I don’t have any answers really, except I know this journey has become a whole lot less about weight loss and a whole lot more about what I want to be.  The life I want to live.  The example I want to set for my future kids.  And the memories I want to cherish when I’m 100+ years old and finally about to kick the bucket.  And I have a feeling that what will matter to me then is not the number on the scale, but the love-joy-connection-community-adventure -ful life that I will have lived.

How about you?  What’s motivating you right now?  Is that motivation going to be enough to get you through this life-long journey?

Comments { 5 }

Being Fat is Easier

By on January 24, 2011 in emotional stuff

Now that got your attention, didn’t it?!  Bear with me for a moment here and I’ll come to my point pretty quickly.

Last week I was watching The Biggest Loser, which I’ve watched for years – maybe since the second season or so?  And I was having a rough day, and I’ve been tired a lot lately, and so a big part of me just wanted to stuff my face while I was watching TV.  ‘Cause that’s my self-soothing thing, you see.

As I wrestled with that desire instead of just going to bed like I should have done, I thought about how ironic it was, that I spent so many years watching The Biggest Loser, a show that is all about helping people lose weight, while shoving food in my face.  Wishing I could be them.  Wanting to be on the show, or at least to lose the weight.  Wishing, hoping, wanting…but not doing anything to make it happen.

And it occurred to me last week, that I could certainly choose to pull out some insertunhealthysnackfoodhere and eat while I was watching.  More, it occurred to me that on so many levels, doing that was so much easier than what I’m doing now.  That’s why I did it for so many years, don’t you see?

It was easier to sit there and hope-wish-ifonly all the good things I saw the contestants experiencing…and long for those things for myself.

It was easier to sit on the couch and make things worse with my terrible food choices, than it was to face my demons and start down the road of doing this work.

I still struggle with moments where I just want to “numb out” in front of the TV with my food.  That particular combination of behaviors is my drug.  But the less I do it, the more I realize…

…yep, this is hard.
…it really sucks sometimes to do the healthier, harder thing.
…sometimes nearly always my “old ways” felt easier than my new ones.

BUT

…easy doesn’t necessarily mean good.
…I wouldn’t trade this journey for anything.
…the harder I work at all of this, the easier it gets over time.

So, yeah…sometimes, it really is easier being fat.

But I am here to say shout from the rooftops that it’s soooooo not better.  And better is where it’s at, friends.

Comments { 13 }

Something to Chew on…I’m not a weak-minded fatty!

By on January 20, 2011 in Betsy, eating, End of Overeating, food, guest post

Please enjoy this guest post from our friend Betsy!

So I’ve been doing all sorts of reading and thinking and journaling and planning about food and weight loss, and food and healthy living, and food and me, and me and food and well, food. Like many of you I’ve used food to soothe my battered ego, comfort my lonely-bored-happy-sad-stressed-out self, and as a celebration enjoyed with family and friends. And not surprisingly, I don’t know when to stop. Eating, that is.

Thus I have spent my adult life trying to be more mindful, get to the roots of my habitual “reach for the bread/cake/chips” response to anything happening in my life, and, well, basically try to stop shoving gobs of food into my cake hole.

With all of this reading and thinking about food I recently purchased “The End of Overeating” by David A. Kessler and must say I have experienced the long-awaited for paradigm shift where food is concerned. Reading Kessler’s book has helped me discover that I don’t lack willpower (well, okay with some things I definitely lack willpower or gumption or commitment but not when it comes to food) rather I am a victim of crafty food scientists.

While that may be overstating it a bit, what I’ve learned about food and the brain and our bodies’ reactions to certain food/chemical combinations has opened my eyes to a new vision regarding food: The processed stuff isn’t good for me and the more of the junk I eat the more of it my brain will demand.

If you haven’t read the book that statement may not make too much sense so allow me to give you a brief (and simplistic) synopsis:

From the book’s Foreword, “Kessler theorizes that after having been exposed to hyperstimulating foods, some individuals develop what is known as conditioned hypereating.” Kessler goes into detail about how foods, specifically combinations of fat, sugar and salt, trigger responses in our brains much like those that occur when taking certain drugs or after exercising (the brain releases dopamine and/or endorphins) and the mind likes the release of those brain chemicals very, very much (they make us feel good) and so the brain encourages us to eat more of the food that created that pleasure. And as we keep feeding our brains the food that caused the release of those feel-good chemicals we quickly establish pathways in the brain that reinforce this continued behavior. “When it comes to food, we are, in essence, following an eating script that has been written into the circuits of our brains.” (Page 62.)

For example, I’ve had a lousy day at work so on the way home I buy a slice of white frosted yellow cake. When I get home I sit down with this yummy slice of cake and joyfully devour it to “calm me down” and “cheer me up” after said lousy day. My brain likes this sugar-fat laden food and releases those feel-good chemicals in my brain. Next time I’ve had a lousy day and want to “unwind” my brain says, “Hey, try that cake thing again that really worked the last time,” and I obligingly go for the cake. And now I’ve started to create those pathways in my brain that will drive me towards cake when I want to escape my lousy day.

Kessler goes into much greater detail than I have here but let’s suffice it to say the U.S. food industry has figured this out and spends millions (if not billions) of dollars creating foods loaded with fat, sugar and salt as these three ingredients, and better yet these three ingredients in combination, elicit the strongest responses from the brain which drives us to eat more and more and more.

So when I say I’ve had this paradigm shift regarding my views on food, what I’ve experienced is that I now see how these yummy sweet, chewy, soft, salty, crunchy foods are engineered that way to keep me eating and eating and eating. “When we understand our brains’ response to food, and how it drives our lack of control, we can change our approach to eating.” (Page XII.)

I realize this probably doesn’t put me in the best light: that I need to learn the U.S. food industry is purposely trying to get me to eat their crap before I’ll be more inclined to choose healthier foods but that’s what happened. Now just so you don’t think I’m completely out of touch or stupid, I do know, and have known for many years, that processed foods suck and contain zero nutritional value. However, I’ve felt addicted to them. Unable to stop eating them despite the gazillion times I’ve berated myself into a lonely corner chanting, “You weak-minded fatty!”

Here I’ve been thinking for 30 years that I’m a spineless, weak-minded, lacking-in-willpower, fat loser who just can’t say no to certain foods, when in fact my need for comfort coupled with crafty food scientists sent me down a path of overeating. This realization brings me an Everest amount of relief. Why am I relieved? Because now I know where I need to focus my energies. I don’t need to expend my energy on beating myself into eating submission. Rather, I need to break the habit. I need to ditch the processed stuff not just for the sake of my health and my waistline but also for the sake of my brain. I must bust the I-feel-bored-so-I’ll-eat-junk-food cycle.

How shall I bust the cycle? By eliminating all overly processed foods from my diet and establishing new habits for comfort and reward. Kessler outlines strategies in the final chapters of his book and my darling friend Val (aka SeattleRunnerGirl) gifted me “The Complete Beck Diet for Life” book so between these two books I’ve got the tools needed to make this paradigm shift a reality.

I am feeling confident that I can shed my eating-for-comfort cycle and establish new ways to relax and reward myself thanks to this new information. And I am further bolstered by my horoscope (courtesy of Free Will Astrology) for the coming week:

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In the early 20th century, many women at the beach covered most of their bodies with swimsuits made of wool. If they went in the water, they’d emerge about 20 pounds heavier. Swimming was a challenge. Your current psychic state has resemblances to what you’d feel like if you were wearing drenched woolen underwear and a drenched woolen clown suit and a drenched woolen robe. My advice? Take it off; take it all off. The astrological omens are clear: Whatever your reasons were for being in this get-up in the first place are no longer valid.

So now I’m off on The Great Nix-the-Processed-Foods-from-My-Diet Experiment of 2011. Wish me luck and stay tuned! Got any tips you wanna share with me? Have you read Kessler’s “The End of Overeating” or Beck’s “The Complete Beck Diet for Life”?

Comments { 4 }

I’m Here…

By on January 18, 2011 in 4-Hour Body, blogging, consistency/commitment

…and am going through a “dry spell” regarding what to write about.  I don’t want to write just to write since I don’t really have this blog to blabber on about nothing.  I’m keeping up with you all (finally!) and your blogs, and otherwise am working enough that it feels like I’m just keeping my head above water!  So here’s the bullet-point version of what’s going on in my world:

  • Work is extremely busy and we desperately need to hire someone to help us catch up/keep up.  In the meantime, I foresee many Saturdays spent at work and a string of 50-60 hour workweeks in my future.
  • Lest you think this is all bad, the reason we’re so busy is because our firm is growing, which is exactly what we want.  I’ve been working really hard both to bill my hours but also grow the business, so I’m excited to see the fruits of my labors!
  • My workouts haven’t been the most consistent thing in the last week, but my schedule for the next four days (training today, running with Sharla tomorrow, training Thursday, and CrossFit on Friday) should jump-start a return to more regular workouts!
  • Eating has been fantastic.  I’m working on a post about the 4-Hour Body slow carb diet, my first cheat day, and my general observations about all of that.  It’s taking longer than I’d like (see above) but I’ll get it up soon, I hope!
  • I got to hang out with Tara and Sharla last week for girl’s night, which included mani/pedi time and dinner out.  It was awesome!

So that’s me in a nutshell right now…how are things with you?  I’m sorry I’m not here more, but I guess when faced with the choice between writing less-than-meaningful stuff or reading your blogs and staying connected that way, I’m choosing the latter!

Comments { 11 }

Well Shoot…

By on January 14, 2011 in 4-Hour Body, blogging, goals, running

I guess that day turned into almost a week!  I can’t believe it’s been that long since I’ve posted.  No real reason, other than being swamped at work and keeping up with all of the other important stuff in life – working out, sleeping, etc.

Thanks for all the grace and for catching me up on you in response to my post about Taking a Day!  One thing I have had a chance to do this week is get caught up on all the blogs I read and leave a few comments.  And I love what I’m reading.  Many of you set new goals at the beginning of the year (whether you call them resolutions or not!) and it’s so fun to hear your goals and watch y’all put a plan in action to make it happen.

My goals?  Always evolving, but as I mentioned earlier in the year, they will include lots of running.  Some fun races coming up, including the Valentines Day Dash, the St. Patty’s Day Dash, the Warrior Dash (lots of dashing going on here!), and more.

The 4-Hour Body slow carb diet is doing it’s job and I’ve lost almost half of what I gained over the last month.  I should be back to  my low in a few more weeks which feels fantastic.  I already feel lighter and less puffy, which I credit to staying away from sugar and other white stuff!

So…yeah…I’m back in one of those “boring” phases.  Where I’m not having an epiphany a minute, which is what December felt like for me.  Where I’m not struggling to stay on course with healthy eating.  Which, to be honest, leaves me without a whole lot to tell you here!  I don’t want to write just to write – I want to write because I have something to say.  To share my heart.

Today?  My heart is here: heading to my second ever CrossFit session.  Sleepy.  Excited for the year.  Wishing I had about 3 more hours in each day (and a personal assistant).  But?  Loving life.  It feels good to be where I’m at.

How about you?  Are you in a good place right now or do you need help?  If we can let the comments be anything today, let’s make them a place we can turn to each other for help.  Bring it on, friends!

Comments { 7 }