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Random Thoughts

It used to be that I had tons of time to think and write blog posts, but as I’m sure all of you know (whether from experience or because it’s obvious!), having a baby cramps my blogging style takes up a lot of time.  So I find myself cramming almost everything I used to do with my free time into 60 minutes each work day…my commute.  (I still haven’t figured out how to work out during my commute, but more on that later.)

I was driving the other day thinking about a few things, including the fact that I’m nowhere near my goal weight and that I’ve actually gained a few of the pounds I lost right after giving birth.  And I realized that as badly as I want to start losing weight again and as much as I wish that I hadn’t gained those few pounds, I am not berating myself.  I don’t feel like crap about it.  It’s not the end of the world.

Let me say that again: it’s not the end of the world.

Being heavier than I want to be does not make me a bad person.

It doesn’t make me unworthy or unloveable.

And then I realized that one of the side effects, for me, of motherhood (and I think being in a healthy, loving marriage has also contributed to this!) is that I am learning to love myself and my body just as I am.  Oh, sure, there will be days when this doesn’t feel true.  But you know what?  This body grew my little girl for 9 months, nourished her, kept her safe, and brought her into this world (with a little help)!  Damn if that is not the coolest thing ever.  So how could I possibly hate this body of mine?

The answer is that I can’t.  Not right now.  And that’s a new and amazing thing for me.

What events in your life have taught you to love yourself and your body regardless of its current condition?

Gratuitous baby pic:

Comments { 12 }

More, Please!

Like I said, I have lots of stuff I want to write about, but if I wait for the posts about the past to be written before I starting writing about now…well, this blog might go extinct!  So I am jumping in with some thoughts about health stuff now.

The first few weeks after I had Alana, I lost weight extremely rapidly.  And it’s a good thing, too – I gained more while pregnant than I planned!   The reasons for the rapid weight loss were, I think, a combination of the increased calorie burn from breastfeeding and the fact that I had a hard time making time to eat.  I know, that probably sounds crazy.  But when you have a newborn who wants to eat every two hours (timed from the start of each feeding, not including actual feeding time…i.e., feeding at 12pm, 2pm, 4pm, etc.) and who wants to be held all. the. time. … well, it doesn’t leave much time for anything.  Much less something that requires two hands.

At about 6 weeks, though, Alana started becoming a bit easier to handle.  She ate less often – every 2-3 hours during the day, but up to 6 hours at night.  And yes, she did the coveted “sleeping through the night” thing at 6 weeks, sleeping 6 hours or more almost every night since then.  (We’re up to 8 hours most nights now.)  We were able to start putting her down for short periods of time (thank God for the swing!).  So my ability to eat regularly returned, and with it my appetite.  All of a sudden I went from not really *feeling* the appetite many say comes along with the breastfeeding calorie burn, to being ravenous almost constantly.

Since then I’ve struggled (and mostly failed) to eat healthily and in normal portions.  And today I realized that I am tired of the negative.  You know – instead of wanting to eat something healthy, feeling like I have to “cut out” something unhealthy.  And I realized that it works better for me mentally to be proactive – to add things in – to pursue the positives that I want in my life, rather than avoiding the negatives.  So here’s what I’m going to do: start setting “positive” goals.  New goals each month or so based on what I need to work on.  Right now, that means adding things in to my diet that I am lacking, such as lots o’ veggies!

Here are my current goals, which are subject to change without notice blah blah blah:

  • Try to eat at least 5 servings of veggies every day.
  • Eat breakfast within 2 hours of waking up every day.
  • Drink 10+ glasses of milk every day.
  • Walk or work out 5 days/week.

I am hoping that adding in the healthy stuff will naturally start to “crowd out” the less healthy stuff.

What do you think?

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Hello World

I’ve wanted to write this post for 11 weeks.  I’ve started it a million times in my head.  Had a hundred ideas about what I wanted to write.  Actually, I have a whole mental list of the blogs I want to write, including:

  • My daughter’s birth story;
  • How I’m going to get back in shape;
  • How I owe an apology to every mother-friend I ever advised to choose a workout over sleep;
  • And on and on the list goes.

But really?

This is what’s been going on in my world:

September 15, 2011.  11:08 a.m.  Alana Annika.  7 pounds, 9 ounces.  20.5 inches long.  23 hours of labor.  Emergency c-section.

Love.

Adoration.

Sleep-deprivation.

World-changing.

This is what I’ve been living:

And this…

And this…

 

And a lot of these photos are crappy because I take them in the middle of the night with my iPhone.  But how can you resist:

Just a couple more now…

I promise, almost done…

Proud mommy much?  Absolutely.  But really, she is just the most beautiful thing.

And being a mom?

It’s more.

Harder.

Better.

Bigger.

Than I’d ever imagined.

But 100% worth it.

So this is my life now.  It’s almost all of my life for now, as I figure out (a) how to be a mom who (b) works full time and (c) lives without the 8+ hours/night of precious sleep I’ve been addicted to all my life.  Workouts haven’t even hit my radar screen yet.  Well, they have…but right now I’d have to give up sleep to make them happen, so it’s all walking, all the time for this girl.  And Alana comes along, so it’s good bonding time.  And no, it’s not going to be what helps me lose the baby (and then some) weight.  Or get me in shape for Ragnar or the Warrior Dash next year.  But I have my whole life to train and lose weight and run and be fit, and only these few precious weeks to enjoy my newborn.  So that’s what I’m doing.

I’ll write more eventually.  As much as I can, whenever I can.  Which is probably going to be on my lunch break at work for a long time now.  But I’m still here.  Just…figuring out life now.

And know that I’m keeping up with you!  I read your blogs on my phone while breastfeeding, or while waiting in the doctor’s office, or while sitting in court waiting for a hearing to start.  So no commenting yet, but I am listening.  And cheering for you all.  Pulling for you.  Missing being a bigger part of our community.

But really?  This:

This is where I’m at right now.  So I know you understand.  And for that, and for YOU, and for this baby?  I. AM. GRATEFUL.

Welcome to the world, Alana.  Your mommy loves you so much.

Comments { 5 }