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Random Thoughts

By on December 27, 2011 in baby, beauty/beautiful, body, emotional stuff, self-image, weight

It used to be that I had tons of time to think and write blog posts, but as I’m sure all of you know (whether from experience or because it’s obvious!), having a baby cramps my blogging style takes up a lot of time.  So I find myself cramming almost everything I used to do with my free time into 60 minutes each work day…my commute.  (I still haven’t figured out how to work out during my commute, but more on that later.)

I was driving the other day thinking about a few things, including the fact that I’m nowhere near my goal weight and that I’ve actually gained a few of the pounds I lost right after giving birth.  And I realized that as badly as I want to start losing weight again and as much as I wish that I hadn’t gained those few pounds, I am not berating myself.  I don’t feel like crap about it.  It’s not the end of the world.

Let me say that again: it’s not the end of the world.

Being heavier than I want to be does not make me a bad person.

It doesn’t make me unworthy or unloveable.

And then I realized that one of the side effects, for me, of motherhood (and I think being in a healthy, loving marriage has also contributed to this!) is that I am learning to love myself and my body just as I am.  Oh, sure, there will be days when this doesn’t feel true.  But you know what?  This body grew my little girl for 9 months, nourished her, kept her safe, and brought her into this world (with a little help)!  Damn if that is not the coolest thing ever.  So how could I possibly hate this body of mine?

The answer is that I can’t.  Not right now.  And that’s a new and amazing thing for me.

What events in your life have taught you to love yourself and your body regardless of its current condition?

Gratuitous baby pic:

Comments { 12 }

Sheesh…

By on May 11, 2011 in blogging, body, fat, pregnancy, running

How’s that for a creative title?  I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve written.  I miss it.  I miss YOU.  And there’s not really much new to tell, which I guess is a good thing, right?

These days, I’m spending a lot more of my time looking like this:

Than like this:

Don’t you love these avatars?  When I saw how cute Bella’s were, I had to be a copy-cat have some for myself, so I asked the artist Meghan Murphy to hook me up…boy, did she ever!  I’ve got another one for my pregnancy:

And finally one for when I’m just kicking around:

Because, you know, I kick around in my pink heels all the time, don’t ya know??

In any case, this is a long (and cute!) way of saying the following:

  • I’m still working too much and looking forward to being able to say I “only” worked a 50 hour work week;
  • I’m still pregnant and feeling as big as a house;
  • We found out the baby’s a girl! at our 20 week ultrasound two weeks ago;
  • I’m not working out a ton but the times I have include jogging and it’s amazing to me that I can still do it and it feels awesome;
  • None of my clothes fit me anymore but somehow I’m not resenting this “getting fat” business…maybe because it’s for a good cause.  (And yes, I know I’m not “getting fat,” please don’t get mad at me, but sometimes even though I know there’s a baby underneath all of this still-50-pounds-overweight-when-I-got-pregnant belly, it feels like getting fat, you know?)

So, anyways…enough about me.  Now you.  What’s new?  I’m reading your blogs and commenting when I can, which isn’t often since my reading time?  Is often on my phone while I’m sitting at a red light or sitting in court waiting for a hearing to start.

What’s new with you?

 

Comments { 8 }

Today’s my Birthday

By on March 10, 2011 in blogging, body, fear, pregnancy, running

Today is my birthday.  Nope, I’m not just here to brag and hope you all send me birthday wishes and gifts.  I’m here because today, my gift to myself is that I’m finally able to come here and share honestly with you about what’s going on in my life.

You may have noticed that I’ve been a little MIA lately.  And to the extent that I’ve shared with you that it’s due to work and a super busy schedule, that is true.  What’s also true is that I’ve had some big news brewing…or “baking,” you might say, that I couldn’t share with you all until now.

You see, often we notice that a blogger has “gone silent” and we assume it’s because they are struggling.  Maybe gaining weight.  Maybe not working out as much as they were.  And all of those things are true for me, but not because I’m backsliding (or at least, not mostly).

The reason?  For being MIA?  For being close-mouthed?  For not knowing what to say since I couldn’t share with you the biggest thing that’s going on in my life right now?

I’m pregnant.

I know, right?!?  I’m excited.  But I was also terrified until I remembered that fear is the opposite of love and faith and I could choose to be afraid or choose to believe that I would be okay no matter what.

I’ve been here before…pregnant, that is.  I had a miscarriage.  And, not to be dramatic?  But it was one of the most painful experiences of my life, emotionally.  And so when I found out that I was pregnant again, part of me waited with bated breath for the “other shoe to fall.”  Part of me was convinced that I’m defective and wouldn’t “be able” to stay pregnant this time, either.

Thankfully, that fear only lasted a couple of weeks.  Once I realized how paralyzing it was, I made a conscious choice to lay this all in God’s hands every time I had a twinge of fear.  And you know what?  It took a while, but eventually, that practice allowed me to let go of my fear entirely.

So, yeah.  Lots going on with me.  And I have so much to share with you, that I was longing to share while it was going on!  But I needed to wait until I was ready, and then I had to tell the people in my life who needed to hear the news in person, before I could tell all of you.  So I’m sorry I haven’t been here, but now you know.

I will be writing about this a lot, so I hope that doesn’t annoy you!  I’m in this new place, now, of trying to figure out what it means to be a runner and a fit woman and a weight loser (lost-er…as in, past tense) while also being pregnant.  I wrote some posts during my weeks of radio silence knowing I’d be able to share them with you eventually.  So forgive me if pregnancy talk makes you crazy, but if that’s the case, y’all might want to come back in about 7 months or so…after September 15 (that’s my due date).  But then?  I’ll be talking about babies, y’all.  And running.  And food.  And health.  And everything that makes up my life, cuz that’s how I roll.

I hope you’ll continue to roll with me.

Comments { 26 }

Best Workout in Weeks!

By on February 14, 2011 in body, gratitude, weekend, working out

Happy Monday, y’all!  I hope you all had a great weekend and are looking forward to a new week.  (Yes that’s an unusual Monday attitude, try it on for size!)

Thanks to all of you who have commented on my ever-more-sporadic posts and who keep checking in on me.  All is well; it’s just an exceptionally busy season for me right now, so I’ll be back more regularly as soon as I can!

In the meantime, I had to share about a GREAT workout/walk/hike I took with my husband this weekend.  I stayed home sick Friday and was tempted to sit on my butt all weekend – and in fact, I did just that much of the time.  But Saturday I was going stir-crazy and just had to get my body moving.  The forecast was calling for rain but the skies looked reasonably clear, so we did something my hubs has been wanting to do for.ev.er. – we walked down to the lake near our house.

Why hadn’t we done so before?  Well, here’s the thing about my hubs.  He is oblivious to conditions such as rain, wind, cold, or darkness.  So he would always suggest this at the last minute when it was about to get dark.  Or rain.  Or when we were already out walking in flimsy tennis shoes.  And the trail down to the lake?  It’s short, but it’s steep and it is very much a hike.  I like to be more prepared than he requires, so it just never gelled before this weekend.

The distance of our outing was only about 2.5 or 3 miles, but 1.5 miles of that was either down or up a VERY steep hiking trail down to the lake front.  The rest of it was through the state park that’s about .25 miles from our house.

It was windy.
It was cold.
It was rainy.

But?

It was beautiful.
It felt awesome.
I felt?  Kind of badass for being out in those conditions.

It was just another reminder of what I already know, which is that my body loves to move.  And it’s been a struggle to make that happen lately, for a lot of reasons.  But you know what?  I have the power to make it happen even when it’s hard, and Saturday’s hike was a reminder to me of how much I love to be active.  Plus, the win-win of it was quality time with my hubs, which I adore.

How about you?  What’s the best workout you’ve hate lately?

Comments { 4 }

3 Christmas Gifts

By on December 26, 2010 in body, eating, family, food, gratitude, holiday, hunger, mindfulness, R2P4, working out

Good morning, friends!  I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and were able to spend time with your nearest and dearest yesterday.  I had a fantastic day with my family.  It occurred to me as we were sitting around the dinner table last night – just the 11 of us – that our “small” family Christmas might be more than many people can take!  It was loud and crazy and there were kids yelling, a baby crying (not often, though), too many butts in the kitchen, a maze of toys and small pieces to step over in just about every room…and it was perfect!  When you picture my family, start with the family from My Big Fat Greek Wedding…switch the ethnicity from Greek to Lebanese…tone down the crazy by about 50%…and you’ll have a decent idea of what my family is like.

3 Christmas Gifts

Even in the midst of that chaos, I continued to think about some of what I’ve been chewing on lately (pun intended).  And I re-realized (yes, I’m that girl who has to learn the same lesson over and over again…sue me) a few things that made me feel pretty darn silly.  In a good way.  These three realizations are a gift to me, for the reasons outlined below.  I’m sharing them with you in the hopes that maybe something in here will be a gift to you.

Realization #1: I am okay.  I am okay now.  I will be okay in the future.  This doesn’t mean that I will not struggle, stumble, fall, or trip multiple times in life (heck, multiple times per day!).  But one thing being with my family makes me realize?  I’m so blessed.  I’m loved.  I’m not alone.  No matter what I go through in life, I have a whole bunch of people in my corner who would do anything to help me succeed.  What more can I ask?

Realization #2: My body craves exercise.  My plan was to get in a hard cardio workout on Christmas Eve, but one thing (staying up late the night before) led to another (sleeping in) led to another (packing my gym clothes but going to my sister’s house with the intention of stopping at the gym on my way home instead of on the way there), and my workout didn’t happen.  I let it not happen.  And you know what my body told me?  Cut that shit crap out.  My body craves movement now in a way I never realized before, and when I go more than one day without it?  I hear about it.  Harder to sleep.  Back starts to ache.  So, note to self…unless extraordinary circumstances exist, the workout has to be my #1 priority.

Realization #3: This is probably the most important one.  My body is satisfied with far less food than my mind. Maybe this is a no-brainer for y’all, but I think I’m learning this lesson in multiple ways over time.  I realized this last night as I was still feeling full from dinner when I got home at 11:30 p.m.  Granted, we ate late, but this was a mini-revelation for me!  I had eaten over 3 hours before and I was not yet hungry!  And what’s more, I had only eaten one plate of food!  Which was at least half vegetables! 

This body of mine, it is wise.  And it has known ever since I lost this most recent chunk of weight that I don’t need as much food to nourish my body.  My mind?  Not so much.  Lagging behind the body a bit.   Rebelling against what it views as “restriction” and “deprivation” in terms of reduced food intake.  But even though it was kind of a “duh!” moment, it is also so encouraging me to re-learn this lesson.  Because all I have to do is learn to pay more attention to my body than to my brain.  Learning to be mindful of what I am eating and why will be hard, but ever so worth it, because my body knows what it needs…all I have to do is listen.

So along with the new watch and the gift of cash from my parents and the wonderful hand-made ornaments and drawings I received from my family, I am also treating these reminders as gifts, too.  I am encouraged, my friends.  I know what to do.  I know I am capable.  I know the struggle is not over.  But I know now more than ever that I can succeed.  You can, too!

How was your Christmas?  Did the holiday help you remember or realize new things about yourself?

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