Archive | body RSS feed for this section

My New Normal…Again

By on July 28, 2010 in body, clothing, hcg, R1P3, weight

HCG Update

I thought I’d do a quick HCG update/check-in before I get to my “deep blog thoughts” for the day.  Y’all may remember that I’m in Phase 3 of the protocol.  I lost just over 37 pounds during Phase 2.  Phase 3 and 4 are all about stabilizing at a weight within 2 pounds of your lowest injection weight while still on the HCG.

My LIW was 217; during the three low-cal days after I stopped injecting, I got down to 215.  Since then, I’ve crept back up to 217, where I am holding steady…pretty much no matter what. It’s an adjustment; going from losing weight almost every day to not losing any weight at all.  The first few days was just a tiny bit rough, but I know this is where I’m supposed to be, so I’m celebrating that my body is functioning exactly as it should.

I’m following protocol 100% – no starches or sugars – but other than that, I am eating when hungry and eating what I crave.  I’m enjoying nuts, healthy fats, fruits, veggies, protein, cheese, eggs, milk, etc.  I’m not overeating by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m not denying myself what I crave, either.  The other day I ate an entire Dungeness crab…that I caught myself, thank you very much!  The next day I ate almost a pound of cherries.  I’m not beating myself up over food choices, but I am naturally balancing out moments like this with lighter meals/snacks later in the day because my body tells me to (by not being hungry).

Which is  a great transition to my next topic, which is…

My New Normal

Y’all might remember a post from June titled “The New Normal.”  I talked about how taking hunger and food choices out of my daily life clarified some stuff for me.  I realized that all the mental and emotional work I’ve been doing for so long is working.  Being on HCG simply allowed me the opportunity to step back, gain some perspective, and see the progress I’ve made.

I have some thoughts to add to that now that I’m off the injections and back to a normal way of eating.  Well, it’s nothing earth-shattering really.  Just that being off the injections?  Hasn’t made this any harder.  Making healthy choices that are in harmony with my goals feels very natural to me right now.

There are some changes I’m noticing on a daily basis.  I was chatting with my trainer today about this today and I’ll put it out there for your feedback, too.  Many times every day, I notice how different my body is.  TMI alert – if you don’t want details, you can quit reading now!  For example, my belly “flap” that used to hang down over the top of my pubic area?  It doesn’t any more.  My skin flaps on my upper arms (aka bat wings aka the second wave)?  They are slowly but surely shrinking.  My face looks thinner.  I feel pretty and sexy and, even, (dare I say it?) hot in my new, smaller clothes.

It’s exciting, learning this new body of mine.  And I don’t want to be obsessed or turn into a narcissist or anything.  So if I get all cocky-bastard-like on y’all, please slap me upside the head and let me know.  But otherwise, DAMN if it doesn’t feel good to see the changes my hard work is producing!  I said to my trainer today, seeing the muscles in my arms now, at 217 pounds, tells me that I am someday going to have guns that I would currently envy (even if they do have a little extra skin on them)!  I also noticed, when doing side planks, that – ow!  Hip bones hurt!  And even in that discomfort, I was laughing and excited.  Because that kind of problem?  I’ll take it.

So, I’m continuing to learn my new normal.  I’m marveling at living without having to count every freaking calorie that passes my lips.  I’m loving enjoying and craving healthy foods.  I’m excited to learn how to be in this new, smaller, fitter, stronger body.  And, yes, I can’t wait to go on Round 2 in September after my 10K so I can keep losing weight and eventually get to a healthy, maintainable-for-life weight.

But right now, today?  It feels pretty damn good to be me.

What is your “new normal”?  What things do you love now that you never did?  Or, what things are easier for you, that were always hard before you changed your life?

Subscribe to Seattle Runner Girl by Email

Comments { 12 }

Living and Learning

By on July 23, 2010 in body, eating, R1P3

I feel like I must sound like a broken record every time I post with “I can’t believe how busy I am!”  Life is really good, and really full right now.  Sorry I missed y’all yesterday, but I did spend some time getting caught up on your blogs (no new items in my reader, wahoo!), commenting, and playing around on Twitter a bit.

Today is my third day in Phase 3, and so far it’s going well.  I had a little “oopsie” moment on Wednesday, though, that I thought I’d share with you all.

My eating now is simple – I can eat anything (within reason/moderation) except starches and sugar.  So I’m making an effort to increase my lean protein, veggies, and fruits, and also add in some healthy fats.  I’m also, as I shared before, just trying to listen to my body.  Eat when hungry.  Stop when full.  On top of that, though, I do want to ensure that I’m eating enough calories and not undernourishing my body.

Well, Wednesday I just wasn’t very hungry throughout the day, so I got to dinner having consumed around 800 calories.  I made a dinner that was larger than I really wanted and added cheese to boost my calories.  It wasn’t a very large amount of food, just more than I wanted, but I made myself eat it because I don’t want to under-eat.  Plus, I had a training appointment Thursday morning and I wanted to be on my game – running with my trainer at last!

Big mistake, friends!  Turns out, my body really does know what it can handle.  My stomach just wasn’t ready for the larger portion or for the higher fat content, and it let me know very shortly after I ate!  You know what it felt like?  A binge.  Not the eating part, but the feeling you get after a binge.  Bloaty and miserable and unable to sleep.  You know what I mean, right?  So I felt like that all night, but thankfully was mostly better by the time I met my trainer yesterday morning.

Not an exciting story.  Not a revelation, no epiphany, no crash and burn here.  Just a small lesson to remind me that as long as I’m not living to an extreme, my body really does know when it’s hungry.  And what it can handle.  And when I should stop eating.  So, body?  I got the message.  Thanks for sticking with me and teaching me that I’m not smarter than you like I used to think.  Thanks for kicking ass in your workout yesterday.  Thanks for sweating and being sore and loving to stretch and carrying me around so I can live my life every day.  I love you.

What lessons have you learned lately in your quest to live healthy?

Comments { 4 }

Non Scale Victory

By on July 10, 2010 in body, clothing, R1P2, weekend

Happy Saturday, y’all!  I normally don’t post on the weekends, but I am taking this morning to relax in my living room with the doors and windows open, the breeze cooling down my house, and a cup of coffee in hand.  And I have an NSV that I just can’t wait to tell you about!

We’ve all heard people talk about the mental difficulties that come with losing weight…learning to actually see your new body and accurately understand the changes that have taken place.  I’ve been experiencing that firsthand, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I thought I would skip right over this part!  For so long I’ve felt like a healthy, fit person trapped in a fat body that I thought the mental part would be a snap.

Not so much.  I find myself looking at my body 30+ pounds down and wondering when the heck I’ll be able to see the loss!  Don’t get me wrong – I have moments of truly realizing how much I’m changing.  I can see the change in my face, for one thing.  For another, over the holiday weekend I was leaning on one arm while sitting on a bench, and I noticed my triceps muscle in a big way! Because I was with my mom and sister, both of whom totally get me, I actually stopped the conversation and said, “Hold on, I’m having a moment with myself.”  They died laughing and it was fun for them to see me witnessing the change in my own body.

But on a daily basis, when I’m getting dressed in the morning or undressed at night, my eyes are drawn to my biggest problem area, which is my belly.  Yes, after years of denial, I am finally admitting that I have the dreaded apple shape!  Ladies, some of you know what I’m talking about – the “top belly” and the “bottom belly.”  I don’t really love the look of either of them, but the top belly is the bane of my (superficial, vain) existence.  I look at this part of my body and think, “How is it possible that it looks the same after I’ve lost 30 pounds?!”

Well yesterday I got physical proof that my eyes are, in fact, deceiving me.  I went shopping for a couple of summer dresses to round out my work wardrobe for the summer.  A few of the things I own are getting big on me.  On a whim, instead of pulling dresses from the size 20 and 22 sections of the store, I pulled out 18s and 16s.  I expected some of the 18s to fit, but for the 16s to be too small.  I even contemplated taking one of the 16s home to “shrink into” over the next month or two.

I was absolutely floored when the 16s fit me perfectly.

Friends, I haven’t been a size 16 in years.  I’d have to think about it more, but it’s quite possible that it’s been about a decade since I could fit into a size 16.  Standing there in that dressing room yesterday, I did a little happy dance jig thingy that would have had them escorting me out of the store if anyone had witnessed it!  Size 16 means I can start shopping in “regular” stores now.  It means that I am very close to leaving the realm of being a plus sized woman.  And it means I need to start wrapping my brain around the changes in my body.

So that’s my NSV.  Fitting into smaller sizes, but also realizing that I still have some work to do, mentally.  It’s actually exciting for me to know that, because being aware of the things I need to work on is the only way I can commit to doing the work I need to do!

I want to know – have you had an NSV recently?  Please share yours with us – I love reading about this kind of stuff, and I know you all do, too!

HCG Update

HCG Start Date: 6/1/10
Starting Weight: 252.5
VLCD  Starting Weight: 255
R1P2 VLCD Day 37: 220.6
Total Weight Lost: 31.9 pounds

Comments { 27 }

Workout in the Park

By on June 25, 2010 in body, emotional stuff, R1P2, training, working out

I had another awesome workout today.  The weather in Seattle was in the low 70s, sunny, and beautiful!  We haven’t had much of that gloriousness around these here parts lately, so I really wanted to take advantage of it.  I e-mailed my trainer and she was game, so we met at the park instead of in their studio where I normally train.

It was awesome!  I enjoyed it so much that we’re going to permanently switch our Thursday 4pm in the studio sessions to 8am in the park sessions.  Thankfully my gym is on the way from the park to work, so I can pop in there to change and get to work before 10am (thank God for a flexible schedule!) on those days.  Sidebar: am I the only person who has a gym membership during the summertime simply to have access to the showers?!?  Seriously, I can’t NOT be outside when the weather is like this, so I pay my $25 like a good girl so that I can shower after an outdoor workout.  I wonder what the staff at my gym think of that?!?

My trainer said something that made me feel really awesome.  She said, “I’m always excited to see you so I can see the progress that you’re making!”  It meant a lot to me because even though I can totally see the changes in my body, no one else has noticed.  (Okay, my brother did, but he so doesn’t count!)  Seriously; 21+ pounds gone and no one at work has said a peep, none of my friends has noticed, nada.  So to have my trainer comment on my progress made me feel great.  Super-duper-bonus-great, even, because not only am I looking smaller, I am getting stronger!  The stuff she had me doing two weeks ago is not as challenging anymore.

The other reason it felt great to hear her say this is that when I first met her and told her about the HCG protocol, she was understandably skeptical and had genuine concerns about whether this protocol was healthy for me.  I assured her I had done my research, but she reserved judgment.  Until she kept training me, and observed firsthand that

I have plenty of energy
I listen to my body
I know when to stop
I know when to push myself
I listen to my body
I listen to my body

Yes, I know I said that last thing several times.  It’s just…it feels like such a revelation to be listening to my body.  To know that I have limits and to be okay with that.  To be willing to push out of my comfort zone and to know that I can handle new, difficult, challenging things.  Seriously, people…it’s like I’ve lived my life in a dark cave, having been near-sighted my whole life…only to step out into the light and put on a pair of glasses that makes my vision crystal clear.

I feel a little sad, actually, that it’s taken me 34 years of life to finally understand that my body is my friend and not my enemy.  To learn to listen to it and trust it and to know that it is fearfully and wonderfully made.  There’s a part of me that mourns for the 16 year old me who was at a healthy weight and felt so fat she starved herself all day and ate a pint of Ben and Jerry’s for dinner.  I mourn for the 22 year old college graduate who was so thankful to wear a robe at the graduation ceremony so she could hide her 220 pound body.  I mourn for the 25 year old woman who stayed in a bad relationship for fear that there was nothing better in the world for her.

Then I remind myself that the past is over.  I can’t change it and to be honest, I don’t know if I’d want to.  I can, however, grab on to these truths that I’m learning with all my might.  I can engrave these truths into my heart and mind and soul so that I never forget.  I can tell you all about it so that when I do forget momentarily in the future, you can slap me upside the head with the truth gently remind me.

And this blog?  That’s what it’s all about.  Creating a record, a memory for me to look back on.  A reminder of all the work I’ve done, all the things I’m learning, and all the truths I want to never forget.

HCG Update

HCG Start Date: 6/1/10
Starting Weight: 252.5
VLCD  Starting Weight: 255
R1P2 VLCD Day 22: 230
Total Weight Lost: 22.5 pounds

Comments { 12 }