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Quickie..but Goodie?

By on March 28, 2012 in determination/motivation, emotional stuff, mindfulness

I have a gazillion posts in my head and no time to write them.  We are busy trying to figure out life as a two-working-parents household.  No complaints here – even with a cold (poor thing), Alana is a joy and we are loving being her mommy and daddy!  And this is nothing that millions of other folks haven’t been through, so I know we’ll eventually settle into what works for us.  Until then?  I’m just holding on tight!

I just had a moment, though.  I was reading this post from Whole9 and one particular part struck me as a great exercise: each time you are craving something you don’t really want to eat (i.e., it doesn’t fit into your healthy lifestyle plan), stop for a moment an figure out which of these five categories might apply:

  • Location (Where are you?)
  • Time (What time is it?)
  • Emotional state (What are you feeling in this moment?)
  • Other people (Who else is around?)
  • Immediately preceding action (What what were you doing prior to the undesired behavior?)

They go on to say: “It doesn’t matter whether you actually succumb to the cue or not – the point is to identify the circumstances that preceded your unwanted routine. ”

Well I haven’t done this “in the moment” but I know myself well enough to go through the list pretty quickly.  Do I do my unhealthy eating at the same place every time?  Nope.  Same time?  Nope.  I can tell you that TWO circumstances stand out as being consistently true when I’m eating like crap: I’m alone, and I’m feeling disconnected.

Hello?!  Light bulb moment, much?

Like anything else, this knowledge is only as good as what I do with it.  And I’m not sure what that is going to be right now.  I can’t even figure out how to fit in cooking healthy meals every day, let alone the gym and everything else I want to do.  And my #1 priority right now is breastfeeding my daughter.  So, revelations are all well and good.  But I don’t want to make yet another promise to myself that I don’t keep.  Like:

I’m going Paleo.
I’m eating mindfully.
I’m running regularly.
I’m quitting sugar.

A few of the many promises I’ve made to myself, only to break them.  And, you know?  Breaking a promise, if you figure out it no longer makes sense for your life, that’s okay.  But that’s not the reason behind all of my broken self-promises.

So my only promise this time is to stick it (and by “it” I mean this realization) in my pipe and chew it stop mixing metaphors smoke it.

And to keep trying.  That I can promise, and that’s one promise I’ve never broken.  I never give up.

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What’s Your Motivation?

By on January 31, 2011 in determination/motivation, emotional stuff, health, hope/inspiration, weight

I’ve had this draft sitting in my “posts” folder for a while and for some reason, I found it hard to write this post.  Why?  I’m not sure, but maybe it’s because I’m in a kind of “limbo” right now with respect to the source of my motivation.  For a long time, I was motivated by feeling like crap about myself.  It’s easy to “want” to lose weight when you’re 100+ pounds overweight!  Ironically, though, the more weight you lose, the less motivated you may become if “not being fat” is your motivation.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what my motivations are with respect to weight.  And I realized that it’s really not about my weight anymore.  Although I do still want to lose more weight – a fair chunk, actually – the way I feel now is amazing, night-and-day better than how I felt for all the years I was morbidly obese.  There’s a quote I’ve heard that I will proceed to totally butcher here that gets my point across, and it goes something like this: change comes when the pain of your current circumstances is bad enough to make you move from point a (here) to point b (anywhere other than here).

Well what happens when the pain of here isn’t so painful anymore?  You’ve gone from shopping in plus-size stores/departments your whole life to buying clothes in the “normal” stores or at Costco.  You’ve gone from pain in your lower back or knees or feet or all of the above to feeling vital and healthy.  No longer do you struggle to sleep well because of breathing issues or back pain.  And so on – the benefits of the weight you’ve lost are outstanding and lessen the urgency of the need to lose more weight nowquickfastandinahurry!

That’s when the real, lasting reasons for weight loss kick in.  Or when, as has happened for me, weight loss is no longer the goal.  You discover what really makes you tick.  What exercise you love.  What goals you’re dying to achieve.  And the journey becomes less about a number on the scale every day/week/month and more about you becoming the best you that you can be.

It’s not about your spouse.
It’s not about your family.
It’s not for that guy/gal you might meet on Friday night.
It’s not about looking a certain way for anyone else…or at all.
It’s not about your high school reunion.
It’s not about what others think of you.

Instead…

It’s about you.
What you love.
What YOU think of you.
Who you want to be.
How you want your life to look, forever.
Has to be for you, for your life, forEVER.

So, yeah…that’s what I’m thinking about these days.  And I don’t have any answers really, except I know this journey has become a whole lot less about weight loss and a whole lot more about what I want to be.  The life I want to live.  The example I want to set for my future kids.  And the memories I want to cherish when I’m 100+ years old and finally about to kick the bucket.  And I have a feeling that what will matter to me then is not the number on the scale, but the love-joy-connection-community-adventure -ful life that I will have lived.

How about you?  What’s motivating you right now?  Is that motivation going to be enough to get you through this life-long journey?

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Back in the Saddle

By on January 6, 2011 in 4-Hour Body, consistency/commitment, determination/motivation, eating, food, hcg, plan, R2P4, working out

Hey y’all!  I hope you enjoyed the guest posts over the last couple of days – I’m so grateful to Tara and Betsy for sharing the writing load with me this week!  I’m finally back in Seattle and, just like every time I take time off, I’m wondering if the vacation time is really worth the mounds and piles of work I have waiting for me when I come home!  Who am I kidding – it’s totally worth it! – but if you are wondering where I’ll be for the next week?  A good bet will almost always be my desk!

Vacation was great – it was really nice to take a mental and physical break.  Before you shake your finger at me, don’t worry – I didn’t take a total break from working out.  In the 5 days I was gone, I got in one awesome gym trip, a 3.5 mile run, and a 3 mile walk.  And yesterday, my first day back, I hit up the gym for an AWESOME kick-my-own-arse cardio and core session.  I can’t wait to meet up with my trainer this afternoon and get back into the groove with her, too.

Another thing that has me excited is that I’ve decided to give the slow carb diet from The 4-Hour Body a try for the next 2-3 weeks.  I won’t weigh myself until Sunday to give myself a few days to lose a bit of water weight, but I already know that I’ve put on probably 10 pounds over the holidays.  So I’m ready to get that weight off and prep my body for all the awesometasticness that 2011 will hold, like running lots of events – including the Warrior Dash, Ragnar, and a half marathon – and another round of HCG.

So today I started on The 4-Hour Body slow carb diet, which is basically as follows:

RULE 1: AVOID “WHITE” CARBOHYDRATES.  Avoid any carbohydrate that is, or can be, white.

RULE 2: EAT THE SAME FEW MEALS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

RULE 3: DON’T DRINK CALORIES.

RULE 4: DON’T EAT FRUIT.

RULE 5: TAKE ONE DAY OFF PER WEEK.

I know these rules might seem uber-restrictive because, well, they are!  I am not worried about feeling deprived for two reasons.  One is that one day each week, I can eat what I like.  At this point, I am sure that will include lots of fruit (which I will miss), some dairy, and maybe even pizza.  The second reason I am not worried about feelings of deprivation is that I don’t intend to follow the slow-carb diet for ages.  I’m using it as a tool to help me take off a few of the pounds I’ve gained and to get me off sugar completely before I start my next round of HCG.

So there you have it – I feel fantastic today because I got a good night’s sleep, fit in a fantastic workout, and have eaten yummy, healthy food all day today.  Oh, and I’m taking a trip to Whole Paycheck Foods tonight on my way home to stock up on lots of essentials, including white truffle sea salt, eggs, chicken, beans, lentils, veggies, and more.

How are you?  I’m still catching up on blogs, so fill me in on your news and goals for 2011!

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My Best Self

By on December 18, 2010 in beauty/beautiful, determination/motivation, emotional stuff, fear, goals, gratitude, R2P4, self-image

You know, epiphanies tend to happen when we least expect it.  It’s kind of like dating.  You know how when you were (or maybe still are) dating and looking for “The One”?  And people kept telling you to the point where you wanted to stab them in the neck with a pencil that you would find The One when you least expected it…when you stopped looking?  Yeah…epiphanies are kind of like that.

And yes, epiphany is a strong word to use, but I think it fits for what I’ve realized this week…mostly today, actually.  I’ve realized that this blog and my life and my focus and my journey have to be less about my weight and more about becoming the woman I want to be.

When I am losing weight (or gaining weight, for that matter!), it is so easy to become fixated on my weight.  And then that fixation takes over everything, and even if I’m maintaining (mostly) or otherwise “doing well” (whatever that means) with my weight, I still obsess.  Or I transfer the obsession from weight to something else – like what I eat.  It’s almost as though I’ve been on a quest for perfection, and if one thing is going well and not satisfying my habit of being imperfect or focusing on imperfection, I find something else to be annoyed with.

Pretty dumb, huh?

So today I was reading Brandon’s guest post over at MizFit’s place, and he said this:

Gradually, I’ve been learning to not put so much emphasis on that number staring back at me on the scale. I’ve lost 90 pounds so far, and even though I’ve got probably 10-15 pounds more that I’d like to lose, my focus lately has been much less on my weight, instead shifting to becoming the best version of me that I can be.

That shift in his focus really spoke to me.  I feel like that is a shift I need to make and, in fact, have sort of been trying to make without even realizing it, or being able to articulate it.  I am no longer 100+ pounds overweight.  I am no longer unable to do the things I want to do in life because of my weight.  The world, quite frankly, is my oyster.  So who do I want to be?  What do I want to do?

I know part of the answer to those questions.  I want to be vibrant and healthy and fit and strong.  I want to run a half marathon.  I want to run a sub-30 minute 5K.  I want to be a loving, fun, supportive wife, friend, sister, daughter, and – soon – mom.  I want to be excellent at my job and know that I am helping people.  And yes – I want to be smaller.  Probably about 50-ish pounds smaller, if I have to guess.  But where that goal used to be THE! MOST! IMPORTANT! THING! EVER! …now it’s just one of many goals.

And you know what?  That’s okay.  It’s okay that I’m not at goal.  It’s okay that I still want to get there.  But it’s also okay that I no longer want to be consumed with that.  It’s okay to look at my body, flaws and all, and be so very happy to be here, now.  Nothing is perfect.  I’m sure not.  My body isn’t.  And none of the above (or anything else) ever will be.  The Crazy Thing right now?  Is that I don’t want it to be.

Somehow, in the span of two days, I have gone from absolute angst over my struggle, to peace about where I am and where I’m going (even though I don’t even know where that is!).  I’m sure I’ll cycle back and forth many more times in life – that’s just the nature of it.  And I guess that’s why I’m feeling okay today.  Life isn’t about perfection.  It’s not about never struggling.  It’s about knowing that the good days, bad days, and in-between days are all part of the deal.  And you can either fret and stress and obsess over every little detail, or not.

So this is me – not.  Not obsessing.  Not fretting.  Not stressing.  Not giving up, either.  Not sure what the immediate future holds.  Not having to be in control of every-freaking-thing in life.  Or at least telling myself that I’m not.  Because we all have to start somewhere, right?

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Self-Discipline

By on December 1, 2010 in consistency/commitment, determination/motivation, emotional stuff, fear, holiday, planning, R2P4, working out

Self-discipline is something I have struggled with my entire life. How does someone with this struggle get through law school, run a successful business, and hold down a full-time job?  Well, the part of being disciplined that I struggle with the most is when it comes to myself and my personal goals. With the normal deviations and exceptions, when I know I have to do something to perform at work or in my business (or in school, when I was there), I get it done.  Perhaps with some degree of procrastination, but always done, and always on time and with excellence if it involves anyone else (a client, a boss, etc.).

When it comes to personal goals, though, self-discipline is a tough one for me.  Maybe it’s because I am so disciplined in my professional life that it’s hard to be the same way in my personal life.  Whatever the reasons, though, I really thought that this would become less of a struggle for me as I lost the weight.  And to some extent, it has.  It feels a bit easier to keep myself “between the beacons” when it comes to healthy eating 90% of the time, and that’s a win in my book.  (During the darkest times of my life I was lucky if I ate healthy 10% of the time!)  I’ve built an exercise habit that I’m proud of and can see myself sustaining for a lifetime.

And yet, the struggle remains.  For example, I made a commitment to myself that I was going to get to bed by 10pm and be awake by 6:30 am every day during the work week.  I did great the week before Thanksgiving, but having an unplanned week off, during which I was sick, slept a lot, and didn’t work out has really thrown me for a loop.  I can feel the temptation to slide a little further down the slippery slope every day.  It’s okay to miss today’s workout – it’s just one.  It’s all right to sleep in – after all, you need to be well-rested and sharp to do your job well. The rationalizations and excuses come so easily, after years (decades, really) of practice.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m fine.  I’m not giving up, throwing in the towel, or otherwise despairing of my ability to do the right things.  My eating has been healthy, I’m looking forward to my workout today, and I am not on the precipice of falling back into old habits.  But I can feel the temptation, y’all. And it’s important for me to examine these feelings so that I can recognize them for what they are and develop some tools for keeping me off the slippery slope for good.

So here’s the pattern I’ve identified.  I get to a point where I’m doing really well with a healthy habit – working out, getting up early, eating healthy, whatever.  But life being what it is (unpredictable & ever-changing), eventually something happens to sidetrack the good habit for a short time.  Being sick makes it hard to work out.  Being on vacation makes it hard to get up early.  Whatever it is, a blip shows up on the radar.  And if that’s all it is – a blip – it would be no big deal.  In fact, that’s what healthy people do all the time – treat a holiday or a missed workout as a “blip” but get right back into their normal, healthy habits pretty much immediately.

Here’s where my old pattern (because I’m all about building new, healthy patterns up in here) differs from that of a normal, healthy person.  For me, a blip has been really hard to recover from.  In my past, a blip like this last week (sick, snowed in, Thanksgiving, off work, etc.) would have been the beginning of what would eventually turn into weeks or even months of struggling.  Eating healthy all day long only to go home and overeat at the end of the day.  Skipping workouts here and there until I string together a week or more of not moving my body.  Oversleeping my alarm, justifying every day how it’s okay not to get up because I need to be mentally sharp for my job and I can’t do that without sleep, can I?

And here, my friends, is where I break from the old pattern and embrace a new pattern.  I am drawing the line in the sand today. 

I will be getting in my 4+ workouts per week from now through the end of the year (and beyond).
I will be getting up no later than 6:30 a.m. during the week and turning in no later than 10pm at night.
I will be eating healthily 90% of the time, and any less-than-healthy eating will be planned and mindfully chosen and enjoyed, instead of mindlessly shoved into my mouth in front of the TV.

And I need your help to cement my commitment to these habits, because for better or for worse, it’s easier to follow-through on a commitment made to others than a commitment made only to myself and made in secret.

So there you have it.  No more old patterns.  No more slippery slope.  No more struggle for days and weeks and months on end.  I am adopting the mindset of a person with a normal, healthy relationship with food and her body.  A blip is just a blip and will not become more.

Is self-discipline a struggle for you?  If so, do you have any tips and tricks to share for how you’ve worked on this character trait in your life?

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