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Hello World

By on December 2, 2011 in baby, blogging, gratitude

I’ve wanted to write this post for 11 weeks.  I’ve started it a million times in my head.  Had a hundred ideas about what I wanted to write.  Actually, I have a whole mental list of the blogs I want to write, including:

  • My daughter’s birth story;
  • How I’m going to get back in shape;
  • How I owe an apology to every mother-friend I ever advised to choose a workout over sleep;
  • And on and on the list goes.

But really?

This is what’s been going on in my world:

September 15, 2011.  11:08 a.m.  Alana Annika.  7 pounds, 9 ounces.  20.5 inches long.  23 hours of labor.  Emergency c-section.

Love.

Adoration.

Sleep-deprivation.

World-changing.

This is what I’ve been living:

And this…

And this…

 

And a lot of these photos are crappy because I take them in the middle of the night with my iPhone.  But how can you resist:

Just a couple more now…

I promise, almost done…

Proud mommy much?  Absolutely.  But really, she is just the most beautiful thing.

And being a mom?

It’s more.

Harder.

Better.

Bigger.

Than I’d ever imagined.

But 100% worth it.

So this is my life now.  It’s almost all of my life for now, as I figure out (a) how to be a mom who (b) works full time and (c) lives without the 8+ hours/night of precious sleep I’ve been addicted to all my life.  Workouts haven’t even hit my radar screen yet.  Well, they have…but right now I’d have to give up sleep to make them happen, so it’s all walking, all the time for this girl.  And Alana comes along, so it’s good bonding time.  And no, it’s not going to be what helps me lose the baby (and then some) weight.  Or get me in shape for Ragnar or the Warrior Dash next year.  But I have my whole life to train and lose weight and run and be fit, and only these few precious weeks to enjoy my newborn.  So that’s what I’m doing.

I’ll write more eventually.  As much as I can, whenever I can.  Which is probably going to be on my lunch break at work for a long time now.  But I’m still here.  Just…figuring out life now.

And know that I’m keeping up with you!  I read your blogs on my phone while breastfeeding, or while waiting in the doctor’s office, or while sitting in court waiting for a hearing to start.  So no commenting yet, but I am listening.  And cheering for you all.  Pulling for you.  Missing being a bigger part of our community.

But really?  This:

This is where I’m at right now.  So I know you understand.  And for that, and for YOU, and for this baby?  I. AM. GRATEFUL.

Welcome to the world, Alana.  Your mommy loves you so much.

Comments { 5 }

Thank You, and Don’t Forget

By on March 11, 2011 in gratitude

Thank you, thank you, thank you all - for the wonderful comments yesterday on the blog, the tweets, and the Facebook messages.  Seriously?  Best. Birthday. Ever.

I am looking forward to being here more now that I’m “out.”  You have no idea how much I hate keeping a secret that I really, really, really want to share!  So now you won’t be able to shut me up.  Forewarned is forearmed.  :)

And in the midst of the joy I am experiencing, there is such tragedy in Japan and all places affected by the tsunamis.  My thoughts and prayers go out to all of those (you?) who have been touched by the devastation there and around the world.

And the don’t forget part?  Daylight savings time starts on Sunday.  Me?  One happy girl.  Adding an hour of daylight to the end of my day is the best birthday present I could ask for.  I’m so ready to walk out of the office in the daylight, consistently!  Here in Seattle, this will put the end of daylight (not sunset, I’m not with-it enough to know when that is!) around 7pm.  Happy happy me.  More daylight.  And, soon to come, more sunshine and warmth.

Wishful thinking, maybe.  But I’m an optimist.

Happy weekend!

Comments { 3 }

Best Workout in Weeks!

By on February 14, 2011 in body, gratitude, weekend, working out

Happy Monday, y’all!  I hope you all had a great weekend and are looking forward to a new week.  (Yes that’s an unusual Monday attitude, try it on for size!)

Thanks to all of you who have commented on my ever-more-sporadic posts and who keep checking in on me.  All is well; it’s just an exceptionally busy season for me right now, so I’ll be back more regularly as soon as I can!

In the meantime, I had to share about a GREAT workout/walk/hike I took with my husband this weekend.  I stayed home sick Friday and was tempted to sit on my butt all weekend – and in fact, I did just that much of the time.  But Saturday I was going stir-crazy and just had to get my body moving.  The forecast was calling for rain but the skies looked reasonably clear, so we did something my hubs has been wanting to do for.ev.er. – we walked down to the lake near our house.

Why hadn’t we done so before?  Well, here’s the thing about my hubs.  He is oblivious to conditions such as rain, wind, cold, or darkness.  So he would always suggest this at the last minute when it was about to get dark.  Or rain.  Or when we were already out walking in flimsy tennis shoes.  And the trail down to the lake?  It’s short, but it’s steep and it is very much a hike.  I like to be more prepared than he requires, so it just never gelled before this weekend.

The distance of our outing was only about 2.5 or 3 miles, but 1.5 miles of that was either down or up a VERY steep hiking trail down to the lake front.  The rest of it was through the state park that’s about .25 miles from our house.

It was windy.
It was cold.
It was rainy.

But?

It was beautiful.
It felt awesome.
I felt?  Kind of badass for being out in those conditions.

It was just another reminder of what I already know, which is that my body loves to move.  And it’s been a struggle to make that happen lately, for a lot of reasons.  But you know what?  I have the power to make it happen even when it’s hard, and Saturday’s hike was a reminder to me of how much I love to be active.  Plus, the win-win of it was quality time with my hubs, which I adore.

How about you?  What’s the best workout you’ve hate lately?

Comments { 4 }

Where I’m At

By on December 28, 2010 in emotional stuff, gratitude, mindfulness, R2P4

Hey there!  Late afternoon post – evidence of the crazy that is my week!  No complaints, though – the crazy is all work-related and pretty normal since I’m gearing up to take a WHOLE WEEK off work!  I’m flying down to Arizona tomorrow to meet up with my husband and spend the week with his family.  It’s 60 degrees down there today – fingers crossed that it lasts!  I just got back to work from a pedicure to make my toes sun-worthy, and tonight I’m going shopping for a carry-on suitcase so I can avoid the madness that is checking bags.

Health-wise I am in a good place right now.  I realized I was getting all stressed out about finding “the perfect thing” for me in terms of my method of maintenance.  Then once I got all un-stupid, I realized that I won’t find my perfect fit overnight.  And that’s okay.  I am doing a lot of things I know I want to do forever – working out, running, getting stronger, learning to love my body, working on becoming more mindful.  All of the other stuff can wait, and will come over time.

I’m reading more of the Tim Ferriss book I mentioned last week, The 4-Hour Body, and it’s fascinating.  Not so much what he tells you to do, but the idea that he spent so much time basically “hacking” his body and figuring out what works.  And I realized last night while reading, that that’s what I want to do.  My desire is to spend my life “hacking” my body.  What foods make me feel best?  Which ones make me break out (sugar)?  How many workouts per week, and what kind, make my body feel its best?

Also?  No more of the beating myself up.  No more feeling like a failure because I messed up on the no sugar challenge I agreed to with Tara and Thais.  Not that I’m giving up – far from it.  But I realized today (anew, as I have been doing lots lately) that feeling shame over a mistake is not productive for me.  And it’s not loving to me.

Speaking of loving me, have you read Karen’s guest post over at Miz’s place today?  If not, please do.  No, seriously – skedaddle.  We’ll still be here when you’re done.  It spoke to me in this way: loving yourself is a practice.  Meaning, for me, that it requires PRACTICE.  It’s not something that will suddenly happen overnight, and certainly not if I don’t make it a priority.  So I am going to think about ways to make this a priority for me from now on.  The practice of loving myself wherever I am, no matter my circumstances.

So that’s me today.  Having a great day filled with enough sleep, productivity at work, good healthy YUMMY eats, no sugar, and working on the self-love.  And, really?  Most importantly – figuring out how to be okay with where I’m at, wherever that happens to be.

FYI, I’ll be out of town for a week and will likely not be able to post a whole heck of a lot, so don’t miss me too much.  I’ll be back as often as I can!

Comments { 6 }

3 Christmas Gifts

By on December 26, 2010 in body, eating, family, food, gratitude, holiday, hunger, mindfulness, R2P4, working out

Good morning, friends!  I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and were able to spend time with your nearest and dearest yesterday.  I had a fantastic day with my family.  It occurred to me as we were sitting around the dinner table last night – just the 11 of us – that our “small” family Christmas might be more than many people can take!  It was loud and crazy and there were kids yelling, a baby crying (not often, though), too many butts in the kitchen, a maze of toys and small pieces to step over in just about every room…and it was perfect!  When you picture my family, start with the family from My Big Fat Greek Wedding…switch the ethnicity from Greek to Lebanese…tone down the crazy by about 50%…and you’ll have a decent idea of what my family is like.

3 Christmas Gifts

Even in the midst of that chaos, I continued to think about some of what I’ve been chewing on lately (pun intended).  And I re-realized (yes, I’m that girl who has to learn the same lesson over and over again…sue me) a few things that made me feel pretty darn silly.  In a good way.  These three realizations are a gift to me, for the reasons outlined below.  I’m sharing them with you in the hopes that maybe something in here will be a gift to you.

Realization #1: I am okay.  I am okay now.  I will be okay in the future.  This doesn’t mean that I will not struggle, stumble, fall, or trip multiple times in life (heck, multiple times per day!).  But one thing being with my family makes me realize?  I’m so blessed.  I’m loved.  I’m not alone.  No matter what I go through in life, I have a whole bunch of people in my corner who would do anything to help me succeed.  What more can I ask?

Realization #2: My body craves exercise.  My plan was to get in a hard cardio workout on Christmas Eve, but one thing (staying up late the night before) led to another (sleeping in) led to another (packing my gym clothes but going to my sister’s house with the intention of stopping at the gym on my way home instead of on the way there), and my workout didn’t happen.  I let it not happen.  And you know what my body told me?  Cut that shit crap out.  My body craves movement now in a way I never realized before, and when I go more than one day without it?  I hear about it.  Harder to sleep.  Back starts to ache.  So, note to self…unless extraordinary circumstances exist, the workout has to be my #1 priority.

Realization #3: This is probably the most important one.  My body is satisfied with far less food than my mind. Maybe this is a no-brainer for y’all, but I think I’m learning this lesson in multiple ways over time.  I realized this last night as I was still feeling full from dinner when I got home at 11:30 p.m.  Granted, we ate late, but this was a mini-revelation for me!  I had eaten over 3 hours before and I was not yet hungry!  And what’s more, I had only eaten one plate of food!  Which was at least half vegetables! 

This body of mine, it is wise.  And it has known ever since I lost this most recent chunk of weight that I don’t need as much food to nourish my body.  My mind?  Not so much.  Lagging behind the body a bit.   Rebelling against what it views as “restriction” and “deprivation” in terms of reduced food intake.  But even though it was kind of a “duh!” moment, it is also so encouraging me to re-learn this lesson.  Because all I have to do is learn to pay more attention to my body than to my brain.  Learning to be mindful of what I am eating and why will be hard, but ever so worth it, because my body knows what it needs…all I have to do is listen.

So along with the new watch and the gift of cash from my parents and the wonderful hand-made ornaments and drawings I received from my family, I am also treating these reminders as gifts, too.  I am encouraged, my friends.  I know what to do.  I know I am capable.  I know the struggle is not over.  But I know now more than ever that I can succeed.  You can, too!

How was your Christmas?  Did the holiday help you remember or realize new things about yourself?

Comments { 14 }