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What’s Your Motivation?

By on January 31, 2011 in determination/motivation, emotional stuff, health, hope/inspiration, weight

I’ve had this draft sitting in my “posts” folder for a while and for some reason, I found it hard to write this post.  Why?  I’m not sure, but maybe it’s because I’m in a kind of “limbo” right now with respect to the source of my motivation.  For a long time, I was motivated by feeling like crap about myself.  It’s easy to “want” to lose weight when you’re 100+ pounds overweight!  Ironically, though, the more weight you lose, the less motivated you may become if “not being fat” is your motivation.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what my motivations are with respect to weight.  And I realized that it’s really not about my weight anymore.  Although I do still want to lose more weight – a fair chunk, actually – the way I feel now is amazing, night-and-day better than how I felt for all the years I was morbidly obese.  There’s a quote I’ve heard that I will proceed to totally butcher here that gets my point across, and it goes something like this: change comes when the pain of your current circumstances is bad enough to make you move from point a (here) to point b (anywhere other than here).

Well what happens when the pain of here isn’t so painful anymore?  You’ve gone from shopping in plus-size stores/departments your whole life to buying clothes in the “normal” stores or at Costco.  You’ve gone from pain in your lower back or knees or feet or all of the above to feeling vital and healthy.  No longer do you struggle to sleep well because of breathing issues or back pain.  And so on – the benefits of the weight you’ve lost are outstanding and lessen the urgency of the need to lose more weight nowquickfastandinahurry!

That’s when the real, lasting reasons for weight loss kick in.  Or when, as has happened for me, weight loss is no longer the goal.  You discover what really makes you tick.  What exercise you love.  What goals you’re dying to achieve.  And the journey becomes less about a number on the scale every day/week/month and more about you becoming the best you that you can be.

It’s not about your spouse.
It’s not about your family.
It’s not for that guy/gal you might meet on Friday night.
It’s not about looking a certain way for anyone else…or at all.
It’s not about your high school reunion.
It’s not about what others think of you.

Instead…

It’s about you.
What you love.
What YOU think of you.
Who you want to be.
How you want your life to look, forever.
Has to be for you, for your life, forEVER.

So, yeah…that’s what I’m thinking about these days.  And I don’t have any answers really, except I know this journey has become a whole lot less about weight loss and a whole lot more about what I want to be.  The life I want to live.  The example I want to set for my future kids.  And the memories I want to cherish when I’m 100+ years old and finally about to kick the bucket.  And I have a feeling that what will matter to me then is not the number on the scale, but the love-joy-connection-community-adventure -ful life that I will have lived.

How about you?  What’s motivating you right now?  Is that motivation going to be enough to get you through this life-long journey?

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The Gift of Forgiveness

By on January 4, 2011 in emotional stuff, guest post, hope/inspiration

I am super excited to share this awesome guest post from Tara, who blogs over at 263 and Counting.  I’m sure most of you are already familiar with her story, which includes lots of courage and honesty and strength and encouragement.  If not…what are you waiting for?!?  Without further ado…

I’m going to give you the greatest gift ever.

Are you ready?

You may want to sit down for this…

My gift to you for this year is the gift of FORGIVENESS. I knew you’d be surprised. It’s the perfect gift to give you and no one deserves it more than you. So maybe you didn’t have a banner year. Maybe you thought more about moving and making better food choices than actually put into practice. Maybe you visualized yourself breaking a sweat more often than actually having to wipe it from your face. Maybe, just maybe you wanted to eat more apples but instead you reached for the ½ pint of ice cream a few too many times.

That’s the great thing about past tensed words.

Past.

I know this is kind of cheesy but Rascal Flatts has a song called “Unstoppable” that I listen to every day to remind myself that I deserve to brush myself off when I emotionally fall. That I have the right to forgive myself even if I would rather hate myself. You have that right too. I know crazy isn’t it? You have the right to forgive yourself:

So, so you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Cracked a brick when you hit the wall
Yeah, you’ve have a pocket full of regret
Pull you down faster than a sunset
Hey it happen to us all
When the cold hard rain just won’t quit
And you can’t see your way out of it

CHORUS
You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what’s been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don’t give in
It’ll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable

Love, it can weather any storm
Bring you back to being born again
oh, it’s a helping hand when you need it most
A lighthouse shinning on the coast
That never goes dim

When your heart is full of doubt
And you think that there’s no way out

CHORUS
You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what’s been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don’t give in
It’ll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable

Like a river keeps on rolling
Like the north wind blowing
Don’t it feel good knowing
Yeah

CHORUS
You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what’s been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don’t give in
It’ll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable

Love is unstoppable
So you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Love, love is unstoppable

I know you won’t forgive yourself. It’s too hard. Too many times you’ve tried and too many times you think you’ve failed. Funny thing about that is that you are trying and not giving yourself enough credit. Take just a moment (or two or sixty four) and think about all the people that will never even try. Think about all the people that are satisfied with the life they are leading. Satisfied with the food they are stuffing in their mouths. Satisfied with the countless hours spent watching television or playing video games. Satisfied with just being where they are in life, not realizing what’s out there for them.

But you: you try. You keep trying. Day in and day out. Some days are filled with success. Some you just want to flush down the toilet. I didn’t want you to think we weren’t paying attention, so I’ve wrapped up a nice box of forgiveness for you. Open it up and wear it like a shield. Allow yourself to stop looking at what you did or didn’t do and look forward to what you WILL DO! Go ahead try it on…

Perfect!

It’s just your size!

We will love you until you can love yourself

We will forgive you until you can forgive yourself

Just promise us (yourself) you’ll never stop trying.

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Welcome to 2011!

By on January 1, 2011 in goals, holiday, hope/inspiration, plan, planning, R2P4

Welcome to 2011, friends!

I hope whatever you did last night, you were safe and with your loved ones.  I heard about people who slept right through it; who went running to bring in the New Year on the pavement; who spend the evening with family and friends at home or out on the town.

However you chose to celebrate, I hope you are happy.

And if you are not happy, may I suggest that 2011 can be your year?  The year in which instead of making empty resolutions which fizzle out by February…you set goals and make a concrete plan for how to reach those goals, and then execute that plan?  The year in which you actually begin to achieve some of your goals, and make your own dreams come true?

I said something on Twitter the other day that resonated with me and a few other people: the difference between a resolution and a goal is having a PLAN.  It’s so easy to think about what we want, but the truth is that unless we sit down and put together a realistic plan that allows us to follow-through on that thing we want…well, chances are we’ll spend next New Year’s Eve thinking about the same things we want, and setting the same resolutions for 2012.

Here’s the deal: 2011 is going to pass one way or the other.  And in one year, you will arrive at the last day of 2011 and you will look back at this year.  You have the choice now to determine how you will feel and what you will see when you do that look-back.  So what will you choose?

I choose health.
I choose to do some hard work mentally & emotionally.
I choose to keep working to become the best me I can be.
I choose to run in several events that scare the bejebus out of me.
I choose to keep battling to lose this weight and keep it off because I AM WORTH IT.
I choose to be open and transparent here with myself and all of you…because it makes me better.
I choose LIFE.

So 2011?  BRING. IT. ON.  I am ready!

Are you ready?  What are your plans for 2011?  What is your PLAN to achieve your GOALS for this coming year?

You’ll here more about some of my plans over the next few weeks.  I can’t wait to share!

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Doing What I Hate…or Thoughts on Hope

By on December 31, 2010 in emotional stuff, hope/inspiration

In Romans 7:15, St. Paul said this: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

Dude, that was written roughly 2,000 years ago, and when I read that on a blog today, I thought, “Get out of my head!”  And then I realized that some things are universal.  It doesn’t matter if you were an apostle of Jesus 2,000 years ago or if you are a 30-something lawyer in Seattle in 2010.

Man or woman.
Race
religion
ethnicity
socio-economic status
marital status…

None of these things removes you from the reality that, as fallen and broken human beings, we struggle.  We value one thing (health) but choose another (unhealthy foods).  We desire one thing (to lose weight) but choose another (to sit on the couch).  And we do it over and over again, sometimes.

You don’t have to believe in Jesus to acknowledge how profound (and yet, how simple) it is that people today struggle with the same feelings that people 2,000 years ago wrestled with, too.  So why am I bringing this up now?  If the struggle never changes what’s the point, you ask?

Along with flash of total and utter despair discouragement that I initially felt when I started thinking about this, that’s not where the story ends.  The story doesn’t end with the struggle; it only begins there.  Whether you view this in a spiritual light or not (I do), the same lesson is true: you can overcome.

The verse above?  It was written by a man who went on to become a legend in the Christian church, a father of Christianity, really.  (I mean, come on – his stuff is in the Bible, people!)  He didn’t wallow for long in the fact that he wrestled with temptations or struggles – he worked out a way to turn those struggles over to God and to overcome, little by little, day by day.

It wasn’t about perfection for him, and it can’t be for us, either.  We can overcome, day by day.  Maybe you believe in a God who cares about your everyday life and find your strength in him.  Maybe you take a less traditional view of spirituality.  Either way, if you believe that there is something greater in this world than the sum of your decisions over time…that gives you hope.

I don’t know where this is coming from today.  I don’t ordinarily talk about my faith on my blog because while it’s important to me, it’s not what this blog is about.  But I wanted to share what I “discovered” in reading this verse: greater men and women than me throughout history have faced great struggles.  “Bigger” and “smaller” struggles than mine, to be sure.  And despite the universal nature of the struggle, we as human beings have never chosen to just give up.  Throw up our hands, lay down, and wait for death to take us.  (insert melodramatic overture here)

Why?  Because there is hope.  And the struggle doesn’t have to win.  It’s a part of life, for sure.  We can’t avoid it, not entirely.  But we can embrace it, learn from it, and eventually rise above it, at least some of the time.

That gives me hope.

What gives you hope?

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Feeling Good

By on December 10, 2010 in body, emotional stuff, goals, hope/inspiration, plan, R2P4, running

Happy Friday, y’all!  How’s your day going?  Mine has been fantastic so far!  I’m wearing an outfit I love.  I got to start my day with coffee with Jord.  I went to court for a hearing, my opponent didn’t show up, the judge grilled me for 5 minutes (hooray for knowing all the answers!), and my motion was granted.  PLUS I am going to happy hour with my co-workers and dinner at my sister’s tonight.  Whew!  Fun times.

No time to fit in a workout today – that would have required getting up at 4:30/5am which – sorry, I’m not sorry – just wasn’t happening!  I had a killer workout with Shannon yesterday and I’ll get in a strength training session tomorrow.  Sunday’s workout is built-in – I’m running the Jingle Bell Run with Tara and Jord!  Tara celebrated her birthday on Wednesday, but one day is not long enough for a birthday, so we are turning it into a birthday week with a celebratory brunch after the run.  Do you think anyone will mind that we’re dressed like “Christmas threw up on us” (to quote Tara)?  And will probably be drenched from the downpour they’re calling for?  Nah, I didn’t think so.

Today I’m feeling good.  This whole week, really.  I am looking forward to 2011 and making some big plans.  I don’t mind telling you that the thoughts I’m having?  Are pretty much blowing my mind.  Like maybe running the Seattle Rock ‘n Roll Half Marathon (it would be my first).  Or doing the Warrior Dash.  (I wanted to do both but some ding-dong scheduled them on the same day!)  Or participating in a Ragnar team.  Why do these things blow my mind?  Sometimes the 250-pound woman who started this Life Changing Journey still visits me, and when she’s inside my head hearing these thoughts, she laughs so hard she snorts her drink up her nose.  But instead of that laugh discouraging me, you know what happens?

Well, have you ever been in a room full of people and you find something hilariously funny and laugh really really loud right at the moment when it gets quiet in that room?  And everybody looks at you?  And no one else seems to think it’s funny?

That’s what happens when the Old Me laughs at the New Me.  No one laughs with her.  Because these thoughts?  They’re not crazy pipe dreams that I can’t accomplish.  They are realistic goals that are within reach – all I have to do is decide what I want, train for it, and make it happen.

So today?  It feels pretty good to be me.  Yesterday’s workout reminded me that no matter the ups and downs and bumps in the road, my body can do amazing things.  Things it couldn’t do when I was 250 or even 300 pounds.  And being in awe of what my body can accomplish is a pretty damn good feeling.

Have you thought about setting some goals for 2011?  Any big plans – runs, climbs, bikes, swims, tris – coming up?

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