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Post-Baby Goals

By on August 15, 2011 in goals, pregnancy, running

Yes, it has again been too long since I posted.  And you know what?  I think I’m going to quit saying that over and over again every time I do post.  I know y’all are hanging in there with me and understand that life sometimes doesn’t allow us to post when we want to.  So this is the last time until I forget or feel too guilty again that I will be commenting on this pattern.  :)

Pregnancy is pretty amazing and also quite strange.  I am now 35.5 weeks pregnant; my due date for those of you crazy people who don’t remember that the world revolves around this is September 15.  I can now see the baby moving from outside my body and it’s oddly reminiscent of that scene in Alien…you know the one I’m talking about, right?  Think belly-squirming-alien right before it pops out – that’s what it looks like sometimes!

So far I am blessed to feel pretty darned good.  I do get occasional aches and pains, but overall I am feeling amazing given the fact that I’m 30 pounds heavier (within the healthy range of 25-35 pounds of weight gain for pregnancy) and carrying a baby that is now roughly 6 pounds heavy.  I know that as my due date approaches this might change, but right now I’m just feeling really thankful for how NOT miserable my pregnancy has been.  I know I’m lucky and that many women have a much rougher time being pregnant.

Strange as it might seem, although I am not in a rush for my pregnancy to be over, I have been thinking a LOT lately about my post-pregnancy goals.  Some of you may remember that I signed up for the Warrior Dash and committed to running Ragnar only to find out that I was pregnant and would be unable to complete either of those events.  I don’t begrudge my baby girl either of these things, but having watched my friends complete both events recently has really whetted my appetite for getting back to it once I get back into shape!

So I’m here to say, I’ve got me some goalz, people.  I’ll write about this more in the future, but right now here is the brief sketch of what I’m thinking:

  • Ease into walking (with baby, of course) as quickly as my body allows after I deliver.
  • Once I feel up to it and have my doctor’s clearance, I will start P90X again for strength training.
  • Once I feel up to it/doc’s approval, I will ease back into jogging.  I can’t wait for this, even though I know I’ve lost a LOT of my running fitness and will have to start slow!
  • Warrior Dash and Ragnar are roughly 9 months after my due date…so I’m thinking participating in both events might be in my future.  9 months post-partum seems reasonable for this, no?

Anyhow, just wanted to share what’s on my mind.  I’m still keeping up with y’all via your blogs and have even *gasp* been spotted on Twitter recently!   Would love to hear from you here or there if you want to say hi.  :)

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Never Say Never

By on June 22, 2011 in emotional stuff, pregnancy, running

Or, the post that was entitled, “Hanging Up My Running Shoes.”

I had a tough experience the other day; I went out for a run and 2 minutes into it, my round ligaments started to feel sore.  I’m pretty in touch with my body these days and I’ve been really good during my pregnancy at listening to it more.  (Note to self: hang on to this habit once the baby is born!)  So of course I quit running and walked instead.  And it was a great walk with a friend, about 4 miles or so in the warm sunshine.  Good company, moving my body, sun on my face…what more could I ask?

Instead of enjoying that, though, I started to throw a little big-ass pity party for myself when I got home.  Did this mean that I was going to have to give up running for the rest of my pregnancy?  How can I call myself a runner if that’s true?  What would people think?!?

Screeching halt.  What would people think?!  What do I care what people think?!  And why was I turning a one-time experience into an end-of-the-world scenario instead of just treating it like what it was – a run that wasn’t meant to be?

Oh, yeah.  Pregnancy.  Hormones.  Fatigue.  As unaffected – mood-wise, I mean – as I mostly feel by being pregnant, I’m not.  Unaffected, that is.  And that’s okay.  And it’s okay that I didn’t run.  It’s even okay if I don’t run again for the rest of my pregnancy.

I’m not saying I won’t run again for the next three months; I’ll give it another try or two and see how my body responds.  And it might be just fine for me to keep running until…well, until.  Until my body says “stop.”  Or the other day might have been my body’s way of saying “no more, hon…give it a break” until the baby is born.  We’ll just see.

You know what else?  Whether I run or not for the duration of this pregnancy doesn’t make me a runner…or not.  What other people think of me doesn’t make me a runner…or not.  Being a runner isn’t about speed, or distance, or how often you do it or whether you need to take walk breaks or anything else.

Being a runner, for me?  It’s about loving it.  And missing it when I can’t, regardless of the reason.  And knowing that running will be a part of your my life for as long as I want it to be.  And also understanding that as life changes and evolves, so can running.  How you do it, when you fit it in, what it means to you…running is the least-static thing on the planet, which is a good thing because life?  So not static.

So what makes you a runner?  And how do you keep from turning one bad run into the end of the world?

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Where to Begin…

By on June 13, 2011 in blogging, fear, pregnancy

You know how it goes, right?  You should have called that friend months ago.  And at first, you only put it off for a few days.  “I’ll call next weekend when it’s not so busy.”  Only next weekend never comes, and never does “tomorrow” or “later” or any of the other “right times” that you anticipate.  At a certain point, you pass a line (you know the line I’m talking about) beyond which it becomes embarrassing to call, you know?  You imagine that your friend might be offended by your really tardy call, but if you don’t call at all, you don’t have to deal with the awkwardness…

In some ways, that’s how I’ve been feeling about the blog.  I miss being here.  I miss writing through my thoughts and feelings.  Everything that’s going on with me is so different than my life before pregnancy, it feels a little weird to come here to the SeattleRunnerGirl blog and write about it!  I don’t want to turn this into a pregnancy blog or a mommy blog, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that is me worrying about what someone else might think.  Writing (or not writing) because of another person’s opinion, instead of because this blog has been a necessity for me.

I called the blog SeattleRunnerGirl when I started because it fit – literally and figuratively.  I was learning how to run physically, and using that as one of my tools to lose weight.  And then I fell in love with running (who knew?!) in the process.  But I was also running figuratively - away from unhealth, away from denial of feelings, away from self-medication with food…and towards life.  Towards living and loving and experiencing everything as fully as I knew how, every day.

I’m still doing that.  It looks really different right now!  And after the baby comes, it’ll look even more different, though some of it might be the same.

Right now, though, I have a choice.  I can either let these changes make me feel awkward – like that phone call that’s been left just a little too long – and keep me away from the blog.  Or I can say, “this is my life” and know that those of you who are on this journey with me will understand…that life?  It’s not just about running (literally or figuratively).  And it’s not just about weight loss, or pregnancy, or babies, or whatever.  It’s just…life.  In all it’s mixed-up, ever-changing, beautiful, heart-breaking crazyness.

I guess that’s my long-winded way of saying I’m back.  I’m not really sure what “back” looks like right now, because I’m still working 50-60 hours/week (down from 70+ so happy girl here!).  I’m still pregnant and balancing what it means for me to stay healthy without obsessing about weight and workouts and numbers.  So “back” for now might just mean posting once a week.  And always, always reading your blogs – I’m out here!  I comment now and then, but I am always reading, so please know that – I’m with you!  And I need you with me; hence being “back.”

Hang with me while I figure out what that looks like, will you?

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Sheesh…

By on May 11, 2011 in blogging, body, fat, pregnancy, running

How’s that for a creative title?  I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve written.  I miss it.  I miss YOU.  And there’s not really much new to tell, which I guess is a good thing, right?

These days, I’m spending a lot more of my time looking like this:

Than like this:

Don’t you love these avatars?  When I saw how cute Bella’s were, I had to be a copy-cat have some for myself, so I asked the artist Meghan Murphy to hook me up…boy, did she ever!  I’ve got another one for my pregnancy:

And finally one for when I’m just kicking around:

Because, you know, I kick around in my pink heels all the time, don’t ya know??

In any case, this is a long (and cute!) way of saying the following:

  • I’m still working too much and looking forward to being able to say I “only” worked a 50 hour work week;
  • I’m still pregnant and feeling as big as a house;
  • We found out the baby’s a girl! at our 20 week ultrasound two weeks ago;
  • I’m not working out a ton but the times I have include jogging and it’s amazing to me that I can still do it and it feels awesome;
  • None of my clothes fit me anymore but somehow I’m not resenting this “getting fat” business…maybe because it’s for a good cause.  (And yes, I know I’m not “getting fat,” please don’t get mad at me, but sometimes even though I know there’s a baby underneath all of this still-50-pounds-overweight-when-I-got-pregnant belly, it feels like getting fat, you know?)

So, anyways…enough about me.  Now you.  What’s new?  I’m reading your blogs and commenting when I can, which isn’t often since my reading time?  Is often on my phone while I’m sitting at a red light or sitting in court waiting for a hearing to start.

What’s new with you?

 

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17 Week Update

By on April 11, 2011 in pregnancy, work, working out

It’s funny how being pregnant all of a sudden makes you think of everything in weeks.  How many weeks pregnant am I?  (17)  How many weeks until I deliver?  (23)  You get the idea.

This isn’t really just a 17 week update, though – I can’t believe how long it’s been since my last post!  I feel like I sound like a broken record lately.  I’m so busy, blah blah blah.  Oh, and did you know I’m pregnant??  lol  But I guess this blog is about my life, and work + pregnancy are what my life is centered on right now, so there you have it!

I had a fantastic weekend in Vancouver with Tara and Meegan – it could not have come at a better time.  Having time away from work and combining that with the utter relaxation and enjoyment of being with those two girls was absolute perfection.  The pedis and sunshine were truly a bonus – icing on the cake!  We had a killer workout Saturday morning and spent much of the rest of the day (in between meals and a haircut for me) walking around the city.  We guesstimated that we had walked about 6 miles or so?  And it felt great.

By the end of the day, I could definitely feel my belly, though – they say that the tendons supporting your pregnant belly can get sore, and mine definitely did!  I slept well that night.  :)

Sunday night, though, I had some spotting, so after a few moments of panic (thank God for my calm, rational husband), I went to the ER where I got to hear the baby’s heart beat AND see him/her dancing around on an ultrasound.  They put me on pelvic rest (not bed rest, but just about – no sex, exercise, lifting, etc.) until I could go for a follow-up with the OB on Thursday.  At which appointment she also whipped out the Doppler (the thing they use to listen to the heart beat).  Again, super strong heart beat AND she witnessed how ACTIVE this baby already is – every time she would locate the heart beat, it would move after a second or two and she’d have to hunt around to find it again.  She seemed surprised that the baby was so active AND that I had been feeling him/her move for so long already.  She mentioned that my OB (who was out of town for the week) might want to adjust my due date at our next appointment.

She cleared me to exercise and just be wise about what I choose to do, no jumping, nothing high impact (although she said I could jog which seemed counter-intuitive to me).  She thought the combination of having worked so much for the previous 10 days or so (sitting all day, 12 hour days) and then jumping into a workout plus lots of walking Saturday might just have been a little too much, so message received.  I will not do that again, and I will be doing low-impact workouts for the rest of this pregnancy.  (And I’m sure that when my kid is a teenager, I will tell him/her that he/she was already a pain in my rear before being born!)

My weight gain is about on track, maybe 2-3 pounds higher than I would like, but so long as me and the baby stay healthy, I’m not going to complain.

Work is crazy!  But also fun, which maybe makes me a little bit sick.  Aside from last Saturday in Vancouver, I haven’t had a day off in almost 3 weeks.  But I’m supervising my own team of attorneys now, which I love.  And which means that I have to work more to do the same number of billable hours.  But our pay scale is base + bonuses if you bill a certain number of hours, so I am being compensated for my time which makes it all feel fair.  And to be honest, I also love the whole “crunch time” feeling of taking on 1,000+ new matters, having to get them all reviewed, and the kind of frantic energy that surrounds this process.  Yeah, like I said – maybe I’m a little twisted.

My only complaint these days is that spring is VERY late in coming to Seattle!  But even that complaint feels feeble when I look out the window today and see (hooray!) the sun shining.  So, with that, I’m off for a little walk to enjoy it while I can.

How are you doing?  How much does it suck that I’m posting so sporadically these days?!  Miss you all!

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