Tag Archives | change

When the Brain Lags Behind the Body

By on November 12, 2010 in body, eating, emotional stuff, food, hunger, R2P3, self-image, working out

We talk a lot in the weight loss/fit blogging community about the disconnect between the changes our bodies are experiencing, and how our brains sometimes take a ridiculously long little bit of time to catch up to that change.  When you lose weight, whether you do so quickly or not, after having been overweight or obese for decades, it can take a while for your brain to see your new, smaller body instead of “seeing” the obese body you’ve lived with your whole adult life.

At least, that is true for me.  And while my brain is starting to catch up visually – I am catching regular glimpses of how my body really looks now, and that is thrilling! – there’s another way in which my brain still hasn’t caught up.

When I weighed 250 pounds, if I ate healthy throughout the day and got in a workout, I could sit on the couch in front of the TV at night and work my way through *insert food you love to eat mindlessly and in large quantities here* without gaining weight.  No – really.  I could eat a pound of pistachios or a 1/2 pint who am I kidding a pint of ice cream once or twice a week, and assuming that was my only food “indiscretion,” I could maintain my weight almost effortlessly.

Disclaimer: what follows is not me complaining.  I am thankful beyond words to have reached the weight I’m at, and I will take any of the struggles that come along with it instead of being back at 250, struggling as I did for all those years.  So please don’t think, “Seriously, she’s complaining now?!  Someone needs to tell this bitch to shut up – I’d kill to have her “problems!”  I am not complaining.  Just sharing about how the struggle?  It doesn’t so much go away, as it just…changes.  And if you don’t believe me, read this girl’s honest posts about how…strange and hard and interesting and weird and even painful it sometimes is to be so much smaller than when she started.

So, yeah, back to my point.  The things I could do at 250 pounds?  Can’t do ‘em anymore.  Or, well, I can, but guess what?  My weight starts creeping up immediately.  I was getting irritated this morning after another small gain, thinking maybe I was going to have trouble stabilizing again.  Then I started to take inventory of what I’ve been eating the last few days.  Lots of good, whole, healthy foods.  Lean protein, veggies, healthy fats.  Pistachio nuts at night. (Yeah, you see where this is going, right?)  I thought, “I am so annoyed!  I am doing exactly what I did after my first round, and I stabilized perfectly!”

You know those cartoons when a light bulb appears over a character’s head when they realize something?  That was so me this morning.  In the span of 10 seconds, I saw my weight, got annoyed, reflected on my food the last few days…and had an epiphany.  (Wouldn’t you like to spend a whole day inside this brain?!?)

I am not the same woman, body-wise, that I was after Round 1.  I am 30 pounds lighter.  And a body that is 190 pounds requires fewer calories to function than a body that is 220 pounds or 250 pounds.  So I can’t just do the same thing I did back then, because my body is not the same as it was back then.

I know this may seem like it should have been obvious to some of you, and maybe it should have been.  Logically if someone had walked me through a conversation about this, of course I would have come to this conclusion.  But somehow knowing it mentally and living it for myself – again, don’t forget the brain-lagging-behind-the-body part – were two very different things.

And I’ll admit that for a few seconds after that epiphany, I stayed annoyed.  You know why?  I like sitting on the couch eating pistachios at night, dammit! And I had a flash of the no-fairs that I used to live with constantly at 250+ pounds.   You know the no-fairs, right?  No fair that I have to work out.  No fair that I can’t eat whatever I want.  No fair that my skinny friend can eat whatever she wants without gaining weight.  (Never mind that she probably works out way more than I know in order to have that privilege!).

So I had a flash of the no-fairs over the thought that I had to “give up” my eating of pistachios on the couch at night in front of the TV.  (Yes, that thought you can smack me for.)

Then I realized that if all I have to do to maintain this healthier weight is give up eating pistachios at night?  Make some adjustments in my portion sizes so they’re more appropriate for a 190 pound body?

Well, my goodness.  Quit your bitching, Valerie.  This is your biggest problem?!?  You can do this!

And what’s more?  It’s totally worth it.  I’ll take that trade-off any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

So that was my big epiphany for the week.  How about you – any epiphanies or learning experiences or lessons to share?

Comments { 13 }

What’s Your Strategy? And a Weekly Update

By on October 12, 2010 in hcg, plan, planning, R2P2, weight

Morning, friends!  I hope you’re all enjoying this fine Tuesday – how was your weekend?  Mine was good – a mix of busy and relaxing without much formal planned, which is something I need more often!  I cooked, read, watched a bit of TV, played a game with my husband, and worked.

Have you entered yesterday’s contest yet?  Please help Betsy and I think of an awesome name for her regular guest feature on the blog!  If your suggestion is the name we pick, you’ll win a $20 gift certificate to REI!  If that’s not enough awesomesauce for you to check out yesterday’s post, it also includes an introduction to Betsy, so head on over there and check it out.  Scoot!

This last week has been a tough one for me weigh-loss wise!  I hit a 6-day stall, which is the longest I’ve ever experienced while on HCG.  With some help from Betsy and Mother Nature (TMI details to follow), I finally broke that stall yesterday and weighed in today at 195.8.  And do you know what I just realized (after I drafted this post & had to come back and revise it to say this)?!?  This means that since I was at my highest weight, I have now lost just over 100 pounds.  Holy crapballs!

However, prior to today’s weigh-in, I was stuck at 199ish for 6 days, and here’s the story:

Last round I did the HCG Protocol, I ate ground beef without experiencing any stalls in my weight loss.  I’ve read that many people have difficulty losing while eating ground beef (leanest, BTW, in case you’re wondering), but I didn’t.  As I am learning with other things, Round 2 is not the same as Round 1 for me.  My body has changed, and so my approach to the Protocol needs to adjust accordingly!  I eliminated ground beef and immediately saw a small drop the next day.  Thanks to Betsy, who suggested I look closely at what I was eating as the possible source of my stall, I realized that this time around, my body doesn’t love ground beef + losing weight on HCG.  Go figure.

Mother Nature also played a part in my stall, as my period (here’s the TMI part) arrived earlier than expected, too.  Again, I saw a drop after that happened.  During Round 1 my cycle wasn’t affected at all, really, by the HCG.  This time around, it is – it started 1.5 weeks early after my first injection, and it showed up close to a week early this time, too.  Not a big deal, but differences in my body from Round 1 to Round 2.

The lesson I’m learning is that as we lose weight, age, and/or just change over time, so our weight loss and fitness strategies need to change, too!  You hear over and over again that it gets harder to lose weight as you age.  Well I’m hear to tell you that weight loss and healthy living have to look different based on a large number of factors, of which age is only one!  Are you mostly sedentary at work?  Do you chase kids around all day long and haul them around half the day?  Are you hungrier the day after a long run?  Do you struggle to get your workouts in during the darker, colder winter months?  All of these factors and many more can affect what your healthy living strategy should look like at any given time.

So my advice to you today is this: how long have you been working the same plan?  Is it still working for you?  If not, consider changing up the plan after a close evaluation of what your life looks like and how your fitness/health needs might have changed.

Then come back here and tell me about it.  I wanna know!

Finally, some numbers for you:

Round One Lowest Injection Weight: 217
Round Two Starting Weight: 220.4
Round Two Post-Loading Weight: 223.6
R2P2D27 (today) Weight: 197

Comments { 6 }

What to do When Not Obsessing about Food

By on June 8, 2010 in family, food, hcg, R1P2

This weekend, I had just about the most successful weekend ever in regards to my food intake.  I had a plan going in to the weekend and I decided that it was iron-clad and non-negotiable.  I had my food with me, and I knew we would be avoiding restaurants to save money, so it wasn’t going to be that hard.  Right?

Right.

Truly, it was not hard physically – I wasn’t hungry, I wasn’t un-satisifed, and I wasn’t craving anything in particular.  But this weekend was weird and difficult and hard for different reasons.

First, I knew that I was obsessed with food, but I don’t think I realized the extent of that obsession until I removed food decisions from the equation.  Am I the only person who thinks about food this much?  How much, you ask?  Think about how often a teenage boy thinks about sex, and that’s how often I thought about food this weekend!  I made it a point to check in with myself every time I realized I was thinking about food or wanting food, and guess what?  Never once was it about being hungry!  It was all about wanting to (a) experience pleasure through food and (b) be a part of what everyone was doing.

The next reason this weekend was hard?  In my family, everything revolves around food.  People, I am Lebanese-American.  This food-centric-ness thing is no revelation for me.  But again, the degree of how food-centric my family life is?  Mind-blowing and shocking.  At least for someone who’s trying to take the focus off food for a while.

The thing is, we’re not any different than most families.  Our gatherings – weddings, holiday weekends, etc. revolve around the meals we share.  And the cooking of said meals.  And the baking of sweet things with small children who adore said baking.  And I love all of that stuff.  But, dang!  If I had a friend who’s life revolved that much around something else (say, video games or chatting online?)?  I’d be telling her to get a life!

So, yeah.  The learning curve this weekend was interesting.  I had to constantly remind myself that this weekend?  It wasn’t about the food (which was actually pretty crappy, everyone agreed after-the-fact – instead of informing me during!).  It was about love, and family, and fun, and the wedding, and being together.  I just need to build the habit of enjoying those things more than the food when I’m with my family.  Because I can’t change my family, nor do I want to.  Trying to change them would be an exercise in frustration and futility.  And, after all, this blog journey isn’t about changing other people.  It’s about changing me.

So, I’m learning I have quite a bit to learn when it comes to not making every moment about food.  And to be honest, I don’t think my recent approach (counting calories and carbs and sugar and protein and on and on amen) has helped me in this regard – it’s only required me to pay more attention to food, to an obsessive degree.  I’m not sure how the HCG thing will help or hinder this learning process, but I’m interested to find out.

How do you deal with frequent family events that revolve around food?  If you don’t partake, do you feel deprived?  Have you successfully changed your mindset to enjoy the non-food elements of those gatherings?

HCG Stats:

HCG Start Date: 6/1/10
Starting Weight: 252.5
VLCD (Very Low Calorie Diet) Starting Weight: 255 (after 2.5 days of “feasting”)
R1P2 VLCD Day 4: 245.2 (R1P2 = Round 1 Phase 2 – Phase 1 is the loading/feasting)

Comments { 5 }

Progress Report!

By on May 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

This week I have become aware of some progress that I hadn’t realized before.   And since this blog is a place to celebrate the good as well as work through the bad/difficult, I’m layin’ it on you today!

It started yesterday morning with an NSV (non-scale victory) in the bedroom.  You dirty bird, you, this is clothing related – get your mind out of the gutter!  I was getting dressed for work (I had my first hearing in federal court yesterday – fun!) and pulled out my rarely-used formal business suits.  I planned on wearing my tried-and-true, conservatively-cut-but-still-pretty Alfani suit in a size 20.  Last time I wore it was in the fall, and my weight is the same now as it was then.

I pulled on the skirt, and it fit exceedingly well; better than I remembered.  Then the jacket, which as I buttoned it up, just seemed…off.  Well it was off – it was too big!  Not just a tiny bit – it looked sloppy enough that I changed into a different suit; one far less conservatively cut, far cuter, far trendier – and far snugger the last time I wore it.  Yesterday?  It fit like a glove.  Woot!

I can’t tell you how great it feels to know that the hard work I’m doing in the gym and on the road is paying off.  Yes, I’m struggling with my eating.  No, I haven’t lost any weight.  But my body is still responding; it’s changing and firming up and reacting to the workouts exactly how I want it to.  This means I just have one more piece to get right – my eating.  Once I get that dialed in?  Nothing will be able to stop me.

Running Progress

I know I just did a running post, but the second “progress report” I have is about my “normal” 2.22 mile loop that I run near home.  You may remember a while back when I said I was going to quit running that loop and mix up my workouts for a while, to see if I couldn’t make some progress in my running by shaking things up.  You might also remember another time, even earlier, when I reported that the loop that had once taken me 50 minutes to jog/walk only took me 35 minutes to run.

Well I decided that for yesterday’s run, I’d run that loop for the first time in a while and guess what?  I shaved another 3 minutes 15 seconds off my time (total time: 31 minutes 45 seconds).  I headed out yesterday with the intent to run it slow and steady, to keep my breathing in check, to never go so fast that I couldn’t have held a conversation if I wanted to (never mind that it would have been with myself).  That’s what I did – I coasted down the hills, “shuffled” slowly up the hills, and kept an even pace on the straight, level parts of the run.  And at the end, which is slightly uphill and which is usually the hardest part of my run, I just focused on the “finish line” and put one foot in front of the other.

I could have run faster, but I didn’t need to, and I stuck with what I needed and planned for my workout and it was perfect.

So I guess today is all about tooting my own horn up in here, and I’m happy to be able to do it.  I’m grateful to my body for withstanding some rough times and pulling through for me anyways.  I thank my legs for carrying me through my runs, my hips for never getting too sore to stop me from moving, my calves for not punishing me for my lack of stretching, my arms for carrying my baby nephew, and my feet for carrying around a lot more weight than they should have to do.

What are you thankful for today?  How can you show your body some love for all it does for you?

Comments { 7 }

How Things Change

By on February 1, 2010 in Uncategorized

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how things change.  Sometimes, change is scary to contemplate.  We all have our “comfort zone,” and the idea of moving out of that zone intentionally is freaky!  Especially when the place we are going is somewhat unknown – uncharted territory, so to speak.

I’m not writing this post to complain about change (I just couldn’t resist the cartoon!), but more to ruminate on how little differences in how we approach our lives can change our lives at a fundamental level.

Take the issue of planning, for example.  If you plan your food and exercise for the day in advance, the chances that you’ll (a) stick to the plan or (b) at least stick close to the plan, are good.

On the other hand, if you fail to plan anything, roll out of bed, and hit the ground running, what are the chances that you’ll make healthy choices for food and exercise?  Not great, right?  At least for me; on days like that, I’m lucky if I get breakfast in, and I can throw a bunch of stuff in the cooler for my day, but who knows if that combination of foods is within my calorie target, gets me enough protein and fiber, etc.  Not to mention that unless I pack my gym bag and take it with me in the morning, the gym just ain’t happening!

So, subtle difference in approach = vast difference in outcome.

Today my revelation is that when I plan to have a splurge, even when I go way overboard on that splurge, getting back on track the next meal/day isn’t hard for me right now.  I think it’s because I have this mindset: I am going to enjoy a splurge meal today.  After that meal, my eating habits will return immediately to normal/healthy.  This isn’t a free pass to let a meal turn into a day turn into a week turn into…well, you get the picture.

So my splurge yesterday turned out to be Lebanese food, very simple food, actually.  Pita bread with labni (yogurt cheese) and small green olives (still on the bitter side – yum!).  I didn’t control my portions, though, so I ended up with a very high calorie and sodium day.  But you know what?  Today’s a new day, and I’m back to eating as I have been for the last month – healthily, as planned, and within my target range.

Whaddaya know?

Comments { 11 }