Without further ado, please to enjoy today’s guest post from our friend Betsy!

Like I’ve said, I’m married to a smart, funny, loving man known here as FitHub. He also happens to be one of those freaks of nature that can consume an entire bag of Smartfood in one sitting plus a heaping bowl of natural vanilla ice cream with nuts and chocolate sauce while sipping on IPA’s only hours after eating one of my scrumptious, homemade meals and Not. Gain. A. Pound. And I hate that about him.

Yes, I do begrudge him his metabolism. I mean it’s nifty-keen that his is obviously powered by several nuclear power plants, but why can’t he share the metabo love?

FitHub finds eating a nuisance. (God, I know, right? Who is this guy?) He doesn’t cook. But he does grill (and he is a talented grill master delighting us with grilled BBQ pizzas and beef brisket and jalapeno lime chicken). Actually, I prep and he grills. Anyhow, eating disrupts his day and he resents it.

So here I am: an overweight, forty-something with my eye on the fit-and-slender prize, and the love of my life, my slim, healthy, active hubby is snacking and eating and drinking. So how do we partners come to grips with living with a fit person who can eat and eat when we’re still determinedly fighting our way to the healthy-body-weight-promised land?

Well, I have years of experience with this one and thought maybe I could help some of you out by sharing how I cope.

Lesson #1: Do not try and keep up. He will eat you into a Size 28.
As I mentioned, this man can eat and since I like to eat we’re a foodie-match-made-in-heaven. Except when he eats he actually burns off the calories and when I eat you can actually see my double chin getting fatter. But for years I allowed FitHub’s voracious appetite to serve as my permission slip for shoveling unhealthy quantities of my faves into my mouth with wild, blissful abandon. He stayed thin. I got fat. Bummer. So whether you’re noshing on pizzas and ice cream or homemade, healthy food be mindful of your portions and keep ‘em reasonable despite what your partner with the killer-metabo is eating.

Lesson #2: He can eat ice cream every night. You can’t.
I can hear y’all now screaming, “Yes, you can have your cake and eat your ice cream too!” Yeah, I know we can all eat our ice cream but seriously when your goal is to LOSE weight it’s best to skip it 6 out of 7 nights. Funny enough, I spent years telling FitHub that I had accounted for the ice cream calories in my daily food plan/log (which is completely true) and therefore I can have the ice cream. Everyday. He would counter with a loving, “You don’t lose weight by eating sugar and fat.” And after 20 years of living with this man do you know what I finally learned? He was right. It’s not just about the number of calories I consume each day. It’s also about the quality of those calories. So skip the ice cream and go for a walk.

Lesson #3: He doesn’t have to exercise everyday. But you do.
If your partner with the high-functioning metabolism is like mine, they don’t need to exercise everyday to maintain their weight and health. Take FitHub for example. During the summer months he rides his bike in the mountains one to three times a week. During the winter he slaps on skis and skins and goes backcountry skiing one day a week and he curls one day a week. He is lean, strong, fit and healthy. He is nearing Lance Armstrong-lean if you know what I’m sayin’. He doesn’t go to the gym. He doesn’t lift weights or do crunches. He does move. A lot. All day long he is moving. He parks far from his building and rides his bike. His office is on the third floor and he always takes the stairs. He tinkers in the garage in the evenings, does yard work, washes cars…you get the idea. But FitHub is a rare breed (and secretly his parents, sibling, friends, and me are all waiting for his metabolism to slow down a wee bit and add a few pounds to his body) so he maintains his fitness with intense workouts done only once or a few times each week. The rest of us must be a tad more diligent if we hope to become and/or maintain our fitness and health. So get moving. Daily.

Lesson #4: He will never understand your food struggle so save your breath.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t attempt to share your feelings toward food with your partner because I think open communication is key to a long-lasting relationship (FitHub and I are going on 22 years). But know that no matter how eloquently you drone on about the comfort you gain from food, or how it makes you feel safe, or how it’s been your friend when you had no others: he is not going to get it. It won’t be for a lack of wanting to understand. It’s just that his brain never linked food to emotions and he just eats to fuel his body. Sure he gleans pleasure from food when he shares a meal with folks but he doesn’t reach for it to soothe his ills, so it’s hard for him to relate to the pain and struggle of letting go of food as comfort. And here’s the real shocker. He doesn’t lay awake in bed at night thinking about the Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer or the leftover pizza in the fridge. No really. It’s true!

Lesson #5: He will be your greatest champion. If you let him.
So while he can out eat you and not gain an ounce. And while he can get by with working out only a few times each week, and remain fit. And while he doesn’t obsess about food, or plan and log each bite he puts in his mouth, he will be your greatest champion. But you have to let him. Now this gets a bit tricky because if you’re as messed up about food as I am, when someone tells you that you shouldn’t eat something, you want to eat it to spite them. (Yes, I do understand that eating the food really won’t hurt them, just me.) So getting my brain to find peace in the moment when he questions what I’m eating, when I’m eating it, and how much I’m eating is taking loads of patience. And when he tells me that maybe I’m not pushing myself hard enough during my workouts (despite the heart rate monitor telling me that I’m working at 80-85% of maximum) I get a little cheesed off. So after I have eaten to spite him and bailed on a workout (because what’s the point if he doesn’t think it’s doing any good?), I remind myself that he’s on my side even if his choice of words and methods sting. He wants me to succeed because he wants me to be happy; and I know this because I’ve asked him and he’s told me. So just like your fit partner won’t ever really understand why food has such an emotional hold on you, you too won’t really understand why he thinks telling you that you’re not working hard enough is going to motivate you to work harder. But I’ve learned that FitHub is here for me. He doesn’t complain that dinner isn’t ready until 8:00 p.m. because I’ve been at Zumba class. He thinks I can do things that I know I am clearly not strong enough for yet (like mountain biking at 6,000 feet above sea level and pedaling, uphill to 8,000 feet). He praises me for going to fitness classes. And he tells me he is proud of me. He can see the me I want to become. So I forgive him his metabolism and less-than-inspiring-motivational-speak because he is my champion. When I let him.

Does your partner have a killer metabolism? If so, how do you cope? Who, beside yourself, is your champion? Have you ever tried to communicate your relationship with food to someone who never used food for comfort? While your laying in bed (or on the sofa) does food call out to you from the fridge?