Tag Archives | habits

3 Christmas Gifts

By on December 26, 2010 in body, eating, family, food, gratitude, holiday, hunger, mindfulness, R2P4, working out

Good morning, friends!  I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and were able to spend time with your nearest and dearest yesterday.  I had a fantastic day with my family.  It occurred to me as we were sitting around the dinner table last night – just the 11 of us – that our “small” family Christmas might be more than many people can take!  It was loud and crazy and there were kids yelling, a baby crying (not often, though), too many butts in the kitchen, a maze of toys and small pieces to step over in just about every room…and it was perfect!  When you picture my family, start with the family from My Big Fat Greek Wedding…switch the ethnicity from Greek to Lebanese…tone down the crazy by about 50%…and you’ll have a decent idea of what my family is like.

3 Christmas Gifts

Even in the midst of that chaos, I continued to think about some of what I’ve been chewing on lately (pun intended).  And I re-realized (yes, I’m that girl who has to learn the same lesson over and over again…sue me) a few things that made me feel pretty darn silly.  In a good way.  These three realizations are a gift to me, for the reasons outlined below.  I’m sharing them with you in the hopes that maybe something in here will be a gift to you.

Realization #1: I am okay.  I am okay now.  I will be okay in the future.  This doesn’t mean that I will not struggle, stumble, fall, or trip multiple times in life (heck, multiple times per day!).  But one thing being with my family makes me realize?  I’m so blessed.  I’m loved.  I’m not alone.  No matter what I go through in life, I have a whole bunch of people in my corner who would do anything to help me succeed.  What more can I ask?

Realization #2: My body craves exercise.  My plan was to get in a hard cardio workout on Christmas Eve, but one thing (staying up late the night before) led to another (sleeping in) led to another (packing my gym clothes but going to my sister’s house with the intention of stopping at the gym on my way home instead of on the way there), and my workout didn’t happen.  I let it not happen.  And you know what my body told me?  Cut that shit crap out.  My body craves movement now in a way I never realized before, and when I go more than one day without it?  I hear about it.  Harder to sleep.  Back starts to ache.  So, note to self…unless extraordinary circumstances exist, the workout has to be my #1 priority.

Realization #3: This is probably the most important one.  My body is satisfied with far less food than my mind. Maybe this is a no-brainer for y’all, but I think I’m learning this lesson in multiple ways over time.  I realized this last night as I was still feeling full from dinner when I got home at 11:30 p.m.  Granted, we ate late, but this was a mini-revelation for me!  I had eaten over 3 hours before and I was not yet hungry!  And what’s more, I had only eaten one plate of food!  Which was at least half vegetables! 

This body of mine, it is wise.  And it has known ever since I lost this most recent chunk of weight that I don’t need as much food to nourish my body.  My mind?  Not so much.  Lagging behind the body a bit.   Rebelling against what it views as “restriction” and “deprivation” in terms of reduced food intake.  But even though it was kind of a “duh!” moment, it is also so encouraging me to re-learn this lesson.  Because all I have to do is learn to pay more attention to my body than to my brain.  Learning to be mindful of what I am eating and why will be hard, but ever so worth it, because my body knows what it needs…all I have to do is listen.

So along with the new watch and the gift of cash from my parents and the wonderful hand-made ornaments and drawings I received from my family, I am also treating these reminders as gifts, too.  I am encouraged, my friends.  I know what to do.  I know I am capable.  I know the struggle is not over.  But I know now more than ever that I can succeed.  You can, too!

How was your Christmas?  Did the holiday help you remember or realize new things about yourself?

Comments { 14 }

Self-Discipline

By on December 1, 2010 in consistency/commitment, determination/motivation, emotional stuff, fear, holiday, planning, R2P4, working out

Self-discipline is something I have struggled with my entire life. How does someone with this struggle get through law school, run a successful business, and hold down a full-time job?  Well, the part of being disciplined that I struggle with the most is when it comes to myself and my personal goals. With the normal deviations and exceptions, when I know I have to do something to perform at work or in my business (or in school, when I was there), I get it done.  Perhaps with some degree of procrastination, but always done, and always on time and with excellence if it involves anyone else (a client, a boss, etc.).

When it comes to personal goals, though, self-discipline is a tough one for me.  Maybe it’s because I am so disciplined in my professional life that it’s hard to be the same way in my personal life.  Whatever the reasons, though, I really thought that this would become less of a struggle for me as I lost the weight.  And to some extent, it has.  It feels a bit easier to keep myself “between the beacons” when it comes to healthy eating 90% of the time, and that’s a win in my book.  (During the darkest times of my life I was lucky if I ate healthy 10% of the time!)  I’ve built an exercise habit that I’m proud of and can see myself sustaining for a lifetime.

And yet, the struggle remains.  For example, I made a commitment to myself that I was going to get to bed by 10pm and be awake by 6:30 am every day during the work week.  I did great the week before Thanksgiving, but having an unplanned week off, during which I was sick, slept a lot, and didn’t work out has really thrown me for a loop.  I can feel the temptation to slide a little further down the slippery slope every day.  It’s okay to miss today’s workout – it’s just one.  It’s all right to sleep in – after all, you need to be well-rested and sharp to do your job well. The rationalizations and excuses come so easily, after years (decades, really) of practice.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m fine.  I’m not giving up, throwing in the towel, or otherwise despairing of my ability to do the right things.  My eating has been healthy, I’m looking forward to my workout today, and I am not on the precipice of falling back into old habits.  But I can feel the temptation, y’all. And it’s important for me to examine these feelings so that I can recognize them for what they are and develop some tools for keeping me off the slippery slope for good.

So here’s the pattern I’ve identified.  I get to a point where I’m doing really well with a healthy habit – working out, getting up early, eating healthy, whatever.  But life being what it is (unpredictable & ever-changing), eventually something happens to sidetrack the good habit for a short time.  Being sick makes it hard to work out.  Being on vacation makes it hard to get up early.  Whatever it is, a blip shows up on the radar.  And if that’s all it is – a blip – it would be no big deal.  In fact, that’s what healthy people do all the time – treat a holiday or a missed workout as a “blip” but get right back into their normal, healthy habits pretty much immediately.

Here’s where my old pattern (because I’m all about building new, healthy patterns up in here) differs from that of a normal, healthy person.  For me, a blip has been really hard to recover from.  In my past, a blip like this last week (sick, snowed in, Thanksgiving, off work, etc.) would have been the beginning of what would eventually turn into weeks or even months of struggling.  Eating healthy all day long only to go home and overeat at the end of the day.  Skipping workouts here and there until I string together a week or more of not moving my body.  Oversleeping my alarm, justifying every day how it’s okay not to get up because I need to be mentally sharp for my job and I can’t do that without sleep, can I?

And here, my friends, is where I break from the old pattern and embrace a new pattern.  I am drawing the line in the sand today. 

I will be getting in my 4+ workouts per week from now through the end of the year (and beyond).
I will be getting up no later than 6:30 a.m. during the week and turning in no later than 10pm at night.
I will be eating healthily 90% of the time, and any less-than-healthy eating will be planned and mindfully chosen and enjoyed, instead of mindlessly shoved into my mouth in front of the TV.

And I need your help to cement my commitment to these habits, because for better or for worse, it’s easier to follow-through on a commitment made to others than a commitment made only to myself and made in secret.

So there you have it.  No more old patterns.  No more slippery slope.  No more struggle for days and weeks and months on end.  I am adopting the mindset of a person with a normal, healthy relationship with food and her body.  A blip is just a blip and will not become more.

Is self-discipline a struggle for you?  If so, do you have any tips and tricks to share for how you’ve worked on this character trait in your life?

Comments { 17 }

When the Brain Lags Behind the Body

By on November 12, 2010 in body, eating, emotional stuff, food, hunger, R2P3, self-image, working out

We talk a lot in the weight loss/fit blogging community about the disconnect between the changes our bodies are experiencing, and how our brains sometimes take a ridiculously long little bit of time to catch up to that change.  When you lose weight, whether you do so quickly or not, after having been overweight or obese for decades, it can take a while for your brain to see your new, smaller body instead of “seeing” the obese body you’ve lived with your whole adult life.

At least, that is true for me.  And while my brain is starting to catch up visually – I am catching regular glimpses of how my body really looks now, and that is thrilling! – there’s another way in which my brain still hasn’t caught up.

When I weighed 250 pounds, if I ate healthy throughout the day and got in a workout, I could sit on the couch in front of the TV at night and work my way through *insert food you love to eat mindlessly and in large quantities here* without gaining weight.  No – really.  I could eat a pound of pistachios or a 1/2 pint who am I kidding a pint of ice cream once or twice a week, and assuming that was my only food “indiscretion,” I could maintain my weight almost effortlessly.

Disclaimer: what follows is not me complaining.  I am thankful beyond words to have reached the weight I’m at, and I will take any of the struggles that come along with it instead of being back at 250, struggling as I did for all those years.  So please don’t think, “Seriously, she’s complaining now?!  Someone needs to tell this bitch to shut up – I’d kill to have her “problems!”  I am not complaining.  Just sharing about how the struggle?  It doesn’t so much go away, as it just…changes.  And if you don’t believe me, read this girl’s honest posts about how…strange and hard and interesting and weird and even painful it sometimes is to be so much smaller than when she started.

So, yeah, back to my point.  The things I could do at 250 pounds?  Can’t do ‘em anymore.  Or, well, I can, but guess what?  My weight starts creeping up immediately.  I was getting irritated this morning after another small gain, thinking maybe I was going to have trouble stabilizing again.  Then I started to take inventory of what I’ve been eating the last few days.  Lots of good, whole, healthy foods.  Lean protein, veggies, healthy fats.  Pistachio nuts at night. (Yeah, you see where this is going, right?)  I thought, “I am so annoyed!  I am doing exactly what I did after my first round, and I stabilized perfectly!”

You know those cartoons when a light bulb appears over a character’s head when they realize something?  That was so me this morning.  In the span of 10 seconds, I saw my weight, got annoyed, reflected on my food the last few days…and had an epiphany.  (Wouldn’t you like to spend a whole day inside this brain?!?)

I am not the same woman, body-wise, that I was after Round 1.  I am 30 pounds lighter.  And a body that is 190 pounds requires fewer calories to function than a body that is 220 pounds or 250 pounds.  So I can’t just do the same thing I did back then, because my body is not the same as it was back then.

I know this may seem like it should have been obvious to some of you, and maybe it should have been.  Logically if someone had walked me through a conversation about this, of course I would have come to this conclusion.  But somehow knowing it mentally and living it for myself – again, don’t forget the brain-lagging-behind-the-body part – were two very different things.

And I’ll admit that for a few seconds after that epiphany, I stayed annoyed.  You know why?  I like sitting on the couch eating pistachios at night, dammit! And I had a flash of the no-fairs that I used to live with constantly at 250+ pounds.   You know the no-fairs, right?  No fair that I have to work out.  No fair that I can’t eat whatever I want.  No fair that my skinny friend can eat whatever she wants without gaining weight.  (Never mind that she probably works out way more than I know in order to have that privilege!).

So I had a flash of the no-fairs over the thought that I had to “give up” my eating of pistachios on the couch at night in front of the TV.  (Yes, that thought you can smack me for.)

Then I realized that if all I have to do to maintain this healthier weight is give up eating pistachios at night?  Make some adjustments in my portion sizes so they’re more appropriate for a 190 pound body?

Well, my goodness.  Quit your bitching, Valerie.  This is your biggest problem?!?  You can do this!

And what’s more?  It’s totally worth it.  I’ll take that trade-off any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

So that was my big epiphany for the week.  How about you – any epiphanies or learning experiences or lessons to share?

Comments { 13 }

Something to Chew on…How to Survive Living with a Fit Spouse While You’re Still a Fatty

By on November 8, 2010 in Betsy, body, eating, emotional stuff, family, food, guest post, spouse

Without further ado, please to enjoy today’s guest post from our friend Betsy!

Like I’ve said, I’m married to a smart, funny, loving man known here as FitHub. He also happens to be one of those freaks of nature that can consume an entire bag of Smartfood in one sitting plus a heaping bowl of natural vanilla ice cream with nuts and chocolate sauce while sipping on IPA’s only hours after eating one of my scrumptious, homemade meals and Not. Gain. A. Pound. And I hate that about him.

Yes, I do begrudge him his metabolism. I mean it’s nifty-keen that his is obviously powered by several nuclear power plants, but why can’t he share the metabo love?

FitHub finds eating a nuisance. (God, I know, right? Who is this guy?) He doesn’t cook. But he does grill (and he is a talented grill master delighting us with grilled BBQ pizzas and beef brisket and jalapeno lime chicken). Actually, I prep and he grills. Anyhow, eating disrupts his day and he resents it.

So here I am: an overweight, forty-something with my eye on the fit-and-slender prize, and the love of my life, my slim, healthy, active hubby is snacking and eating and drinking. So how do we partners come to grips with living with a fit person who can eat and eat when we’re still determinedly fighting our way to the healthy-body-weight-promised land?

Well, I have years of experience with this one and thought maybe I could help some of you out by sharing how I cope.

Lesson #1: Do not try and keep up. He will eat you into a Size 28.
As I mentioned, this man can eat and since I like to eat we’re a foodie-match-made-in-heaven. Except when he eats he actually burns off the calories and when I eat you can actually see my double chin getting fatter. But for years I allowed FitHub’s voracious appetite to serve as my permission slip for shoveling unhealthy quantities of my faves into my mouth with wild, blissful abandon. He stayed thin. I got fat. Bummer. So whether you’re noshing on pizzas and ice cream or homemade, healthy food be mindful of your portions and keep ‘em reasonable despite what your partner with the killer-metabo is eating.

Lesson #2: He can eat ice cream every night. You can’t.
I can hear y’all now screaming, “Yes, you can have your cake and eat your ice cream too!” Yeah, I know we can all eat our ice cream but seriously when your goal is to LOSE weight it’s best to skip it 6 out of 7 nights. Funny enough, I spent years telling FitHub that I had accounted for the ice cream calories in my daily food plan/log (which is completely true) and therefore I can have the ice cream. Everyday. He would counter with a loving, “You don’t lose weight by eating sugar and fat.” And after 20 years of living with this man do you know what I finally learned? He was right. It’s not just about the number of calories I consume each day. It’s also about the quality of those calories. So skip the ice cream and go for a walk.

Lesson #3: He doesn’t have to exercise everyday. But you do.
If your partner with the high-functioning metabolism is like mine, they don’t need to exercise everyday to maintain their weight and health. Take FitHub for example. During the summer months he rides his bike in the mountains one to three times a week. During the winter he slaps on skis and skins and goes backcountry skiing one day a week and he curls one day a week. He is lean, strong, fit and healthy. He is nearing Lance Armstrong-lean if you know what I’m sayin’. He doesn’t go to the gym. He doesn’t lift weights or do crunches. He does move. A lot. All day long he is moving. He parks far from his building and rides his bike. His office is on the third floor and he always takes the stairs. He tinkers in the garage in the evenings, does yard work, washes cars…you get the idea. But FitHub is a rare breed (and secretly his parents, sibling, friends, and me are all waiting for his metabolism to slow down a wee bit and add a few pounds to his body) so he maintains his fitness with intense workouts done only once or a few times each week. The rest of us must be a tad more diligent if we hope to become and/or maintain our fitness and health. So get moving. Daily.

Lesson #4: He will never understand your food struggle so save your breath.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t attempt to share your feelings toward food with your partner because I think open communication is key to a long-lasting relationship (FitHub and I are going on 22 years). But know that no matter how eloquently you drone on about the comfort you gain from food, or how it makes you feel safe, or how it’s been your friend when you had no others: he is not going to get it. It won’t be for a lack of wanting to understand. It’s just that his brain never linked food to emotions and he just eats to fuel his body. Sure he gleans pleasure from food when he shares a meal with folks but he doesn’t reach for it to soothe his ills, so it’s hard for him to relate to the pain and struggle of letting go of food as comfort. And here’s the real shocker. He doesn’t lay awake in bed at night thinking about the Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer or the leftover pizza in the fridge. No really. It’s true!

Lesson #5: He will be your greatest champion. If you let him.
So while he can out eat you and not gain an ounce. And while he can get by with working out only a few times each week, and remain fit. And while he doesn’t obsess about food, or plan and log each bite he puts in his mouth, he will be your greatest champion. But you have to let him. Now this gets a bit tricky because if you’re as messed up about food as I am, when someone tells you that you shouldn’t eat something, you want to eat it to spite them. (Yes, I do understand that eating the food really won’t hurt them, just me.) So getting my brain to find peace in the moment when he questions what I’m eating, when I’m eating it, and how much I’m eating is taking loads of patience. And when he tells me that maybe I’m not pushing myself hard enough during my workouts (despite the heart rate monitor telling me that I’m working at 80-85% of maximum) I get a little cheesed off. So after I have eaten to spite him and bailed on a workout (because what’s the point if he doesn’t think it’s doing any good?), I remind myself that he’s on my side even if his choice of words and methods sting. He wants me to succeed because he wants me to be happy; and I know this because I’ve asked him and he’s told me. So just like your fit partner won’t ever really understand why food has such an emotional hold on you, you too won’t really understand why he thinks telling you that you’re not working hard enough is going to motivate you to work harder. But I’ve learned that FitHub is here for me. He doesn’t complain that dinner isn’t ready until 8:00 p.m. because I’ve been at Zumba class. He thinks I can do things that I know I am clearly not strong enough for yet (like mountain biking at 6,000 feet above sea level and pedaling, uphill to 8,000 feet). He praises me for going to fitness classes. And he tells me he is proud of me. He can see the me I want to become. So I forgive him his metabolism and less-than-inspiring-motivational-speak because he is my champion. When I let him.

Does your partner have a killer metabolism? If so, how do you cope? Who, beside yourself, is your champion? Have you ever tried to communicate your relationship with food to someone who never used food for comfort? While your laying in bed (or on the sofa) does food call out to you from the fridge?

Comments { 20 }

Mourning a Loss

By on September 8, 2010 in eating, emotional stuff, fear, food, hunger

Sometimes I go for days at a time feeling like this healthy lifestyle is almost easy.  It doesn’t feel hard; it doesn’t feel like I’m trying to change 34 years’ worth of habits overnight.  And then I have a moment, or a day, when it all feels so overwhelming and I miss the ability to binge and soothe myself with food so much I can hardly breathe.

I had a rough couple of days late last week where I just felt like a bottomless pit.  I was working too much and feeling overwhelmed and stressed out.  And tired.  And when I feel that way, the way I’ve always made myself feel better – even if only for a few moments – is to eat.

Eating something tasty is so comforting, and the sensory pleasure can momentarily override the negative emotion I’m trying to avoid.  Problem is, the pleasure only lasts for a brief moment in time.  Then the feellikecrapbecauseistuffedmyself feeling takes over.  Or the being stuffed feeling takes over.  The partyinmymouthgoodness only lasts for a fleeing second; then the original emotion I was trying to avoid comes crashing back in to my consciousness along with the guilt and regret over the unhealthy food choices.

It occurs to me now and then that it is important to stop a recognize the emotional loss that comes along with choosing not to use food as a drug.  For good or for bad (um, which one is it, do y’all think??), food provided comfort and pleasure for me for a long time.  And now that I am choosing not to use food in that way, as a drug to medicate myself out of feeling like crap…well, I have lost a long-time coping mechanism.  And that’s hard.

Acknowledging that it’s hard doesn’t mean I don’t want to make this change.  It doesn’t change anything, in fact.  Is using food in an unhealthy way still, well, unhealthy?  Yep.  Would I make the choice to change my relationship to food all over again?  Yep.  Does that mean that it’s not hard or that admitting it’s hard is somehow a failure or a first-step-down-the-slippery-slope back to the life I was living?  Hell no.

So I’m here to say this:

Giving up food as a drug is hard.
It’s also the only way I can be healthy for the long term.
I remain committed to using food as fuel for my body in a healthy, life-affirming way.
Sometimes I will suck at doing that.
It’s okay if I stumble and make mistakes; we all do.
It’s okay if I have days where I feel like I need food so badly I can’t breathe.
Even if I feel that way, I will try my damnedest not to go back to my old ways.

Because this new way of living and thinking?  It’s totally worth it.  It’s worth all of the hard work, all of the sweat, all of the tears, and all of the pain that comes from digging up habits that are so old, their roots are deeper than we can imagine.

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