Tag Archives | success

Something to Chew on…How to Survive Living with a Fit Spouse While You’re Still a Fatty

By on November 8, 2010 in Betsy, body, eating, emotional stuff, family, food, guest post, spouse

Without further ado, please to enjoy today’s guest post from our friend Betsy!

Like I’ve said, I’m married to a smart, funny, loving man known here as FitHub. He also happens to be one of those freaks of nature that can consume an entire bag of Smartfood in one sitting plus a heaping bowl of natural vanilla ice cream with nuts and chocolate sauce while sipping on IPA’s only hours after eating one of my scrumptious, homemade meals and Not. Gain. A. Pound. And I hate that about him.

Yes, I do begrudge him his metabolism. I mean it’s nifty-keen that his is obviously powered by several nuclear power plants, but why can’t he share the metabo love?

FitHub finds eating a nuisance. (God, I know, right? Who is this guy?) He doesn’t cook. But he does grill (and he is a talented grill master delighting us with grilled BBQ pizzas and beef brisket and jalapeno lime chicken). Actually, I prep and he grills. Anyhow, eating disrupts his day and he resents it.

So here I am: an overweight, forty-something with my eye on the fit-and-slender prize, and the love of my life, my slim, healthy, active hubby is snacking and eating and drinking. So how do we partners come to grips with living with a fit person who can eat and eat when we’re still determinedly fighting our way to the healthy-body-weight-promised land?

Well, I have years of experience with this one and thought maybe I could help some of you out by sharing how I cope.

Lesson #1: Do not try and keep up. He will eat you into a Size 28.
As I mentioned, this man can eat and since I like to eat we’re a foodie-match-made-in-heaven. Except when he eats he actually burns off the calories and when I eat you can actually see my double chin getting fatter. But for years I allowed FitHub’s voracious appetite to serve as my permission slip for shoveling unhealthy quantities of my faves into my mouth with wild, blissful abandon. He stayed thin. I got fat. Bummer. So whether you’re noshing on pizzas and ice cream or homemade, healthy food be mindful of your portions and keep ‘em reasonable despite what your partner with the killer-metabo is eating.

Lesson #2: He can eat ice cream every night. You can’t.
I can hear y’all now screaming, “Yes, you can have your cake and eat your ice cream too!” Yeah, I know we can all eat our ice cream but seriously when your goal is to LOSE weight it’s best to skip it 6 out of 7 nights. Funny enough, I spent years telling FitHub that I had accounted for the ice cream calories in my daily food plan/log (which is completely true) and therefore I can have the ice cream. Everyday. He would counter with a loving, “You don’t lose weight by eating sugar and fat.” And after 20 years of living with this man do you know what I finally learned? He was right. It’s not just about the number of calories I consume each day. It’s also about the quality of those calories. So skip the ice cream and go for a walk.

Lesson #3: He doesn’t have to exercise everyday. But you do.
If your partner with the high-functioning metabolism is like mine, they don’t need to exercise everyday to maintain their weight and health. Take FitHub for example. During the summer months he rides his bike in the mountains one to three times a week. During the winter he slaps on skis and skins and goes backcountry skiing one day a week and he curls one day a week. He is lean, strong, fit and healthy. He is nearing Lance Armstrong-lean if you know what I’m sayin’. He doesn’t go to the gym. He doesn’t lift weights or do crunches. He does move. A lot. All day long he is moving. He parks far from his building and rides his bike. His office is on the third floor and he always takes the stairs. He tinkers in the garage in the evenings, does yard work, washes cars…you get the idea. But FitHub is a rare breed (and secretly his parents, sibling, friends, and me are all waiting for his metabolism to slow down a wee bit and add a few pounds to his body) so he maintains his fitness with intense workouts done only once or a few times each week. The rest of us must be a tad more diligent if we hope to become and/or maintain our fitness and health. So get moving. Daily.

Lesson #4: He will never understand your food struggle so save your breath.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t attempt to share your feelings toward food with your partner because I think open communication is key to a long-lasting relationship (FitHub and I are going on 22 years). But know that no matter how eloquently you drone on about the comfort you gain from food, or how it makes you feel safe, or how it’s been your friend when you had no others: he is not going to get it. It won’t be for a lack of wanting to understand. It’s just that his brain never linked food to emotions and he just eats to fuel his body. Sure he gleans pleasure from food when he shares a meal with folks but he doesn’t reach for it to soothe his ills, so it’s hard for him to relate to the pain and struggle of letting go of food as comfort. And here’s the real shocker. He doesn’t lay awake in bed at night thinking about the Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer or the leftover pizza in the fridge. No really. It’s true!

Lesson #5: He will be your greatest champion. If you let him.
So while he can out eat you and not gain an ounce. And while he can get by with working out only a few times each week, and remain fit. And while he doesn’t obsess about food, or plan and log each bite he puts in his mouth, he will be your greatest champion. But you have to let him. Now this gets a bit tricky because if you’re as messed up about food as I am, when someone tells you that you shouldn’t eat something, you want to eat it to spite them. (Yes, I do understand that eating the food really won’t hurt them, just me.) So getting my brain to find peace in the moment when he questions what I’m eating, when I’m eating it, and how much I’m eating is taking loads of patience. And when he tells me that maybe I’m not pushing myself hard enough during my workouts (despite the heart rate monitor telling me that I’m working at 80-85% of maximum) I get a little cheesed off. So after I have eaten to spite him and bailed on a workout (because what’s the point if he doesn’t think it’s doing any good?), I remind myself that he’s on my side even if his choice of words and methods sting. He wants me to succeed because he wants me to be happy; and I know this because I’ve asked him and he’s told me. So just like your fit partner won’t ever really understand why food has such an emotional hold on you, you too won’t really understand why he thinks telling you that you’re not working hard enough is going to motivate you to work harder. But I’ve learned that FitHub is here for me. He doesn’t complain that dinner isn’t ready until 8:00 p.m. because I’ve been at Zumba class. He thinks I can do things that I know I am clearly not strong enough for yet (like mountain biking at 6,000 feet above sea level and pedaling, uphill to 8,000 feet). He praises me for going to fitness classes. And he tells me he is proud of me. He can see the me I want to become. So I forgive him his metabolism and less-than-inspiring-motivational-speak because he is my champion. When I let him.

Does your partner have a killer metabolism? If so, how do you cope? Who, beside yourself, is your champion? Have you ever tried to communicate your relationship with food to someone who never used food for comfort? While your laying in bed (or on the sofa) does food call out to you from the fridge?

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21-Day Challenge Recap

By on April 22, 2010 in Uncategorized

Morning friends!  This week is absolutely flying by for me.  I intended to write this post last night, but I was craving munchies, so I polished my nails to keep myself out of the kitchen.  Note to self: it’s hard to type with freshly polished nails!  lol

I can’t believe it’s already been 21 days!  How’d y’all do with your chosen habits?  To recap, our participants were:

  • Scale Warfare committed to 30 minutes of physical activity every day
  • Kat is going to get out of bed at 5am on weekdays and 7am on weekends
  • CoffeeGirl37 is getting up at 6:30 during the week, 8am on weekends, AND doing 100 crunches per day
  • Bella is drinking 8 glasses of water every day
  • Char is giving up sweets like baked goods, candies, etc.
  • Jord, who’s up by 6:30 on the weekdays and 7:30 on the weekends
  • WonderLoveandPraise, who committed to 21 days of no car binges…y’all know what that’s about, right?
  • Salina said she would practice her guitar every day
  • Chris is gonna do dishes before bed every night
  • Tara is packing her gym bag and veggies before bed every night
  • My commitment is to get up at 6am on weekdays and 8am on weekends

How I Did

I’ll be honest and say this was NOT a successful challenge for me!  For the first 8 or 9 days it went perfectly.  Then I got sick and slipped up, and instead of making it NO CHOICE and getting right back into it, I…well, I didn’t.

I mentioned the other day that I have had some insights into why.  I’m not sure how helpful this is right now, but hopefully in the long run it will add to the process of figuring myself out.

I have a hard time when I set specific goals for myself.  Every time I do it, whether it has to do with losing a particular amount of weight by a certain date or just a behavior I want to commit to for a period of time, it’s almost like I go out of my way to screw myself over and make sure I can’t reach that goal.  Self-sabotage at its finest.

I have a theory in general about life, that every behavior is motivated at its core by either fear or love.

Clearly this pattern of standing in my own way does not come from love; it comes from fear.  I think on some level I am afraid to really try because I’m afraid of failing.  Which is, you know, kind of idiotic since sabotaging myself guarantees that I will fail!  But there’s a twisted part of my head that thinks, “If I don’t really try; if I make it impossible to succeed; well, then it’s not really failure because it’s not like I really tried.”  (If you can follow that logic, well, I have some oceanfront property in Arizona to sell you that’ll knock your socks off!)

AKA, giving up is not failure.  Real failure is trying really hard and falling short.  I need to retrain my brain to realize that it’s BETTER to try and fail magnificently than to take myself out of the game by not even trying to begin with.  AND I need to remind myself that I really can do anything I set my mind to, especially if the initial commitment is only to 21 days.

How’d YOU Do?

Now it’s your turn, friends – how’d you do?  Smashing success?  Dismal failure?  Somewhere in between?

I want to hear it all, and everyone who participated in the challenge AND who comments here today will be entered into a drawing to win a prize.  I know at least one of us is out of town for the week so this post will stay open for comments/entries until Sunday, April 25.  Monday April 26 I’ll announce the winner of the drawing AND the prize…yep, that’s right, it’s a secret until then!  But I thought of something really good.  :)

What’s Next?

With a lot less fanfare, I am going to do this challenge again.  I’m going to recommit to getting up early (6am weekdays, 8am weekends) for 21 days.  Nothing fancy; no other commitments, just the getting up early.  If you want to join me, let me know!

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Bloggy Beck Book Club

By on March 25, 2010 in Uncategorized

Bella was kind enough to take on this week’s post about The Complete Beck Diet for Life – don’t forget to join the discussion at her blog here!

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Help!

By on January 26, 2010 in Uncategorized

No, I haven’t fallen “off the wagon” (we really need to come up with a more modern alternative to this saying, people. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never ridden in a wagon!).  I’m not struggling, although I’m sure my day (week, etc.) for that will come.  I don’t have a particular thing that I need help with.

But some of us do.  Right now, someone who reads this post is struggling and does need encouraging words and helpful ideas to get through a rough spot.  Perhaps there is someone reading this who hasn’t even taken their first step down the road to health and life, but they don’t know where to start, what to do, and where to go to find that information.

So for today, let’s make this blog that place.  I am going to share some of the practices and activities that most help me stay on track, and I’d really love it if you would do.  Let’s share ideas and encouragement  with each other – both the posters and the lurkers who haven’t quite come out of the shadows yet.

I’m going to categorize my list by daily, weekly, and longer-term activities.

Daily

  1. Each morning, I do a naked morning weigh in (NMWI) before I get dressed.  I record that number in my spreadsheet that includes a note about that day’s caloric intake and workout.
  2. Every morning, I also prepare and enjoy a healthy breakfast before I leave home.  Whether it’s oatmeal or eggs or even leftovers from last night’s (healthy) dinner, breaking my fast early and well is key to my success.
  3. Before I leave for work, I pack all of my meals and snacks for the day in my cooler.  Yes, that’s right – I carry a cooler to work.  I used to be embarrassed by this, but not anymore.
  4. Before I leave for work, I also pack a bright pink gym bag with my workout clothes and anything else I might need for the day’s workout.  I know myself, and if I have to come home to get dressed for the gym, chances are high that I will never make it back out the door.
  5. I wear my BodyBugg and glance at it throughout the day.  This helps me stay motivated to go to the gym and also reminds me to get off my duff every now and then even while I’m at work.  So what if my water bottle isn’t quite empty; if I notice my numbers are super low, I’ll make an extra trip up the stairs to the water cooler.  Every little bit of movement helps.
  6. I work out a minimum of 4 days/week, but usually 5 times/week.  I do strength training, I run, and I just discovered Zumba.
  7. When I get home, I eat my planned evening snack and then “close the kitchen for the evening.”  I sit down and plan and track my meals and snacks and workout for the following day, getting everything I take with me in the mornings ready from the night before.
  8. Most days, I write a blog post.  I can’t believe, really, how much this practice has contributed to my success and to the feeling that I’m being accountable.
  9. Most days I also read and comment on a whole host of other weight loss/healthy living blogs.  It’s wonderful to know we are all in this together!
  10. Several times per day, I review a list of the reasons why I want to lose weight, as well as a list of responses I can use when I am tempted to overeat or eat outside of the day’s plan.

Weekly

  1. I go through my recipes, choosing several meals to cook for the week.
  2. From the recipes, I start building my grocery list, adding to it the healthy foods I eat on a regular basis (more on this in a future post).
  3. I head to the grocery store and Costco, if needed, to pick up all the foods I need to be successful at cooking and eating healthily that week.
  4. I put together a workout schedule that takes into account the week’s goals.  Right now, I’m in Week 1 of the Base Phase of Rachel Cosgrove’s Female Body Breakthrough strength training program.  So I copy and prepare my workouts for the week in advance and stick them in my gym bag with my clothes and shoes.
  5. I do my “official” weekly weigh in and do a weekly report or run-down post like this one.
  6. I revisit my list of goals and rewards so I can see what I have to look forward to in the near future!
  7. I revise, if necessary, my list of the reasons why I want to lose weight.  This list changes constantly for me.

Less Often

  1. I try to take an hour or so every now and then to revisit my overall goals and the plan I have for reaching those goals.  My uncle always says that the difference between a dream and a goal is a “+plan”.  i.e., dream + plan = a goal achieved.  I want to achieve my goals, so I try to make this a priority.
  2. I have my husband take progress photos of me on a monthly basis.  I’m not ready to post these publicly, but it provides accountability for me to know that I have them.
  3. I also have my husband help me take my measurements on a regular basis.
  4. I revisit my closet to try on my “skinny” jeans.  (Side note: I just got a pair of jeans buttoned Friday that I haven’t been able to wear in a couple of years!  Woot!)

Whew!  I could really go on and on, but I don’t want this to be all about me.  I want this post to be about you, friends.  So I have a favor to ask.

For those who are starting or struggling, please delurk long enough to post a question (or questions), anonymously if you wish, that you’d like us all to answer.

For anyone (struggling or not!) who has helpful tips to share, please do!  I’d love to know about the things y’all do that contribute to your success.

Edited for daily weigh-in: 251.6.  I’m annoyed, but whatever.

Comments { 8 }

In a Groove

By on January 25, 2010 in Uncategorized

There’s an enormous difference between being in a rut and being in a groove.  Well, literally there actually isn’t much difference!  But figuratively, the two “states of being” feel like they’re miles apart.

So why is it so easy to go from one to the other in what seems like the blink of an eye?

Three weeks ago, I was struggling every minute of every day – and losing the battle more often than not.  I craved sweets constantly, and I almost always gave in to those cravings.  I soothed myself with food.  I worked out, which is the only reason I’m not back up to my highest weight ever of nearly 300 pounds.

Two weeks ago, it was as if someone flipped a switch; making good choices, while still difficult, didn’t feel impossible.  For the last two weeks, I’ve been able to honestly say that my desire to lose weight and live a healthy life is GREATER than my desire to eat Food X.  Previously, that wasn’t really true.  I’d stop myself, think about how eating Food X would keep me from reaching my goals, and I’d choose to eat it anyways.

While the Beck book has been a great took for me, I don’t believe in some external “magic bullet” and I don’t give Beck credit for this change.  Nor do I think I just woke up one day with “willpower” or “motivation” or whatever you want to call it.  Those are emotions, and emotions are fickle; they ebb and flow.  They’re not constant, like the determination I feel now.

I know there will be plenty of rough days ahead.

I know I will make many more mistakes along this road.

I know it’s not all downhill from here; that the road will be bumpy and at times feel like I’m heading straight uphill.

But do you know what else I know?

This is it.  This is the last time I am starting this journey.  It may not be in a straight line, and it won’t be without obstacles, but I know in my innermost being, in my heart and soul, that this time, the first steps I’m taking are the first steps on the journey that will end in my destination: health. wholeness. healthy weight.  LIVING.

I don’t know how, and I don’t know why.  All I know is I am embracing it.  I’m using the determination I feel not only to make good choices for today, but to build good habits for tomorrow and beyond.

What are you going to do with the determination you feel today?

Edited for daily weigh-in: Today my weight is 250.  Hooray for downward movement!  Here’s a history of my weight for the last 7 days:

252.2
252.4
251.6
252
251.8
251.8
250

No losses (or tiny ones) and then a big drop.  The first week I did this, I saw steady and respectable declines almost every day.  The end result is the same, so I don’t really care; I’m just glad to see some movement!

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