Tag Archives | weight loss

What Makes You Happy?

By on December 15, 2010 in body, emotional stuff, R2P4, self-image, weight

Several fit-blogs I’ve read this week have referred to a change in mindset the authors have experienced over time about happiness.  Reducing those thoughtful, meaningful posts into the takeaway that captured my attention, what I heard them saying is that before they embarked upon their LCJ (Life Changing Journey), food was a big part of their happiness, or maybe their only source of happiness.  Now, while they enjoy food, it is not the source of their happiness.  They choose to live the life that brings them happiness.

Reading those posts triggered a thought in me that perhaps part of why I’m struggling right now is that I’m not feeling happy, or at least as happy as I had been for the last six months or so.

I know intellectually that my happiness needs to come from something deeper than the number on the scale or whether I’m losing weight.  I’ve spent years of my adult life figuring out how to separate my happiness from my weight, and I think I had reached a point where I mostly (because I’m all about honesty here) succeeded.  I started making choices to live the life I wanted and do the things that make me happy, regardless of my weight.  And that is when my life and happiness really blossomed.  Long before I started losing weight.

Fast-forward to 2010 when I finally started losing weight and having success with this weight loss journey.  To finally have a measure of success with this LCJ also made me really, really happy.  And I think that’s a good thing, a healthy thing.  A normal thing, even.

But I realized that maybe my happiness at losing weight sort of … reconnected in an unhealthily-intertwined kind of way … the idea of happiness and weight loss in my mind.  Such that when I am not losing weight, it feels harder to feel happy.  And I make the distinction between feeling happy and being happy, because with very few exceptions, there’s really nothing about my life that I would change if I could right now.  I am blessed to have a marriage that gets better every day (who knew?!).  A job I really, really like.  A warm, secure home.  Loving family.  Health.  A strong body.  Friends that I cherish and who make me feel cherished.  All gifts for which I am intensely grateful.

So now that I’ve established that I am, when I pay attention, happy and content with my life…

Delving a bit deeper, during the weight-loss portions of my Protocol, a lot of my time has been committed to losing weight – and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  As I have shed the pounds, for the first time in my adult life I feel as though my physical “self” is closer to matching up to who I feel I am on the inside than it has ever been.  Integration – is that the right word for it?  I’m not sure, but I know that I feel more like … ME … at this weight than I have felt … well, really, ever, as an adult.

So chalk up one more reason for the happy, right?  Definitely … except, I am realizing, that part of my lack of contentedness lately seems to be stemming from the fact that I’m not losing weight right now.  Which is dumb because I’m not supposed to be losing weight right now.  I’m supposed to be maintaining my weight.  But my happy feelings got so wrapped up in the losing weight thing recently, that I’m back in that place of not feeling happy because I’m not losing weight.  And instead of being aware of that and reacting like a healthy adult, I have caught myself turning back to food to create a poor facsimile of feeling happy to replace the real happy that my heart is craving.

I’m not sure that this is some “huge” revelation.  It doesn’t feel monumental.  It feels like a small “oh!” moment…you know, the ones that come with a light bulb over your head in the cartoons?  And I don’t know that there’s a “fix” to how I’m feeling right now, except to remember more often all of the reasons I am grateful and blessed.  To disconnect my happy from my weight (and from food) and reconnect it to the important things in my life – my faith, my family, my friends, etc.

Instead of just saying I need to do that, though, I am going to take some concrete steps to do it.  I am going to pull out my old journal and take 5 minutes before bed each night to write down the people/things/experiences for which I am grateful from that day.   And I am going to start each morning with a prayer of thanks for the new day that I’ve been given.  Reminding my heart of what’s important…that is how I am going to find my happy again.

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Countdown to Christmas Challenge – 3 Weeks Left!

By on December 9, 2010 in challenge, consistency/commitment, eating, goals, R2P4, working out

It’s that time again – time to recap my week for the Countdown to Christmas challenge hosted by Scale Warfare and Bella!

You may remember the rules:

1. Choose a specific, realistic goal that you can achieve by December 31st.
2. Post weekly updates (you choose the day) about your progress.
3. Add the challenge button to your blog post/sidebar.
4. Decide on a gift (reward) that you’ll give yourself when you meet your goal.

I am currently working on the following goals:

  • Commit to and follow-through on four structured workouts/week from now until the end of the year.  I have some travel time coming up, along with the normal scheduling challenges that we all face during the holidays!  So my goal is to make at least four structured workouts (and by structured, I mean “official” and not just a walk – trainer, weight lifting, running, gym, something) a priority in my schedule no matter what.
  • Be in bed by 10pm Sunday through Thursday nights.
  • Get up no later than 6:30 Monday through Friday mornings.
  • No snacking on the couch – the only eating allowed is a planned, pre-plated meal.
  • Shut my pie hole by 8:30 p.m. every night – no more eating!

In order, here’s how I’m doing:

Workouts: I had this one dialed this week, with three great training sessions and a run with a friend on Friday.  Can I tell you all (and myself, really) how much better I feel when I am working out regularly??

Bedtime: Last week I had been struggling with this since Thanksgiving, but I’m happy to report that this week, I’ve only missed doing this one out of my five nights – woo-hoo!  Does anyone else have a “problem” with reading in bed?  The kind where you start reading, get totally engrossed, and then realize it’s almost midnight and you’re still reading?  Yeah, that part of the equation is still an issue.

Early Wake-up: I mentioned sometime in the last week that I don’t really know if I am committed to this goal for the right reasons, and I still haven’t figured that out.  Regardless, I have not gotten up by 6:30 a.m. every morning during the week – I’m about 50% on this one.

No Snacking on Couch: Also something I struggled with last week, I am doing much better on this one this week.  I may look at choosing not to do any eating on the couch with the TV on; I’ll keep you p0sted.

8:30 p.m. – Kitchen Closes: This I am doing well with this week after struggling last week.  In fact, yesterday I “closed the kitchen” at 8:00 p.m. because I actually got home at a decent hour!  It takes some serious willpower for me, but I know I feel better when I don’t eat too close to bedtime, so this goal is definitely worth it for me.

So that’s my week – I’m doing pretty well.  My workouts are better than my eating, but I know that this LCJ (to crib Tara’s TLA) (that’s a Three Letter Acronym) (oh, the first one means Life Changing Journey)…okay, wait, what was I saying?  Oh, yeah – this LCJ is a process and I am giving myself lots of grace and never giving up so who cares if there are hard days along the way?  It’s not like I’m gonna quit.

How about you?  How’s life in your corner of the ‘net?  Anything we can help you with?  Any brags you want to share??

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When the Brain Lags Behind the Body

By on November 12, 2010 in body, eating, emotional stuff, food, hunger, R2P3, self-image, working out

We talk a lot in the weight loss/fit blogging community about the disconnect between the changes our bodies are experiencing, and how our brains sometimes take a ridiculously long little bit of time to catch up to that change.  When you lose weight, whether you do so quickly or not, after having been overweight or obese for decades, it can take a while for your brain to see your new, smaller body instead of “seeing” the obese body you’ve lived with your whole adult life.

At least, that is true for me.  And while my brain is starting to catch up visually – I am catching regular glimpses of how my body really looks now, and that is thrilling! – there’s another way in which my brain still hasn’t caught up.

When I weighed 250 pounds, if I ate healthy throughout the day and got in a workout, I could sit on the couch in front of the TV at night and work my way through *insert food you love to eat mindlessly and in large quantities here* without gaining weight.  No – really.  I could eat a pound of pistachios or a 1/2 pint who am I kidding a pint of ice cream once or twice a week, and assuming that was my only food “indiscretion,” I could maintain my weight almost effortlessly.

Disclaimer: what follows is not me complaining.  I am thankful beyond words to have reached the weight I’m at, and I will take any of the struggles that come along with it instead of being back at 250, struggling as I did for all those years.  So please don’t think, “Seriously, she’s complaining now?!  Someone needs to tell this bitch to shut up – I’d kill to have her “problems!”  I am not complaining.  Just sharing about how the struggle?  It doesn’t so much go away, as it just…changes.  And if you don’t believe me, read this girl’s honest posts about how…strange and hard and interesting and weird and even painful it sometimes is to be so much smaller than when she started.

So, yeah, back to my point.  The things I could do at 250 pounds?  Can’t do ‘em anymore.  Or, well, I can, but guess what?  My weight starts creeping up immediately.  I was getting irritated this morning after another small gain, thinking maybe I was going to have trouble stabilizing again.  Then I started to take inventory of what I’ve been eating the last few days.  Lots of good, whole, healthy foods.  Lean protein, veggies, healthy fats.  Pistachio nuts at night. (Yeah, you see where this is going, right?)  I thought, “I am so annoyed!  I am doing exactly what I did after my first round, and I stabilized perfectly!”

You know those cartoons when a light bulb appears over a character’s head when they realize something?  That was so me this morning.  In the span of 10 seconds, I saw my weight, got annoyed, reflected on my food the last few days…and had an epiphany.  (Wouldn’t you like to spend a whole day inside this brain?!?)

I am not the same woman, body-wise, that I was after Round 1.  I am 30 pounds lighter.  And a body that is 190 pounds requires fewer calories to function than a body that is 220 pounds or 250 pounds.  So I can’t just do the same thing I did back then, because my body is not the same as it was back then.

I know this may seem like it should have been obvious to some of you, and maybe it should have been.  Logically if someone had walked me through a conversation about this, of course I would have come to this conclusion.  But somehow knowing it mentally and living it for myself – again, don’t forget the brain-lagging-behind-the-body part – were two very different things.

And I’ll admit that for a few seconds after that epiphany, I stayed annoyed.  You know why?  I like sitting on the couch eating pistachios at night, dammit! And I had a flash of the no-fairs that I used to live with constantly at 250+ pounds.   You know the no-fairs, right?  No fair that I have to work out.  No fair that I can’t eat whatever I want.  No fair that my skinny friend can eat whatever she wants without gaining weight.  (Never mind that she probably works out way more than I know in order to have that privilege!).

So I had a flash of the no-fairs over the thought that I had to “give up” my eating of pistachios on the couch at night in front of the TV.  (Yes, that thought you can smack me for.)

Then I realized that if all I have to do to maintain this healthier weight is give up eating pistachios at night?  Make some adjustments in my portion sizes so they’re more appropriate for a 190 pound body?

Well, my goodness.  Quit your bitching, Valerie.  This is your biggest problem?!?  You can do this!

And what’s more?  It’s totally worth it.  I’ll take that trade-off any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

So that was my big epiphany for the week.  How about you – any epiphanies or learning experiences or lessons to share?

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HCG…Different but the Same

By on November 9, 2010 in eating, emotional stuff, hcg, R2P3

I’ve been mulling over some thoughts on the HCG Protocol for a while; thoughts that are less about the mechanics of the Protocol, and more about how people approach it.  I have a good friend who’s on it and I know a few other people who know others who are on it.  So within two degrees of separation, I’m hearing reports of how people are doing, and what they’re doing while on HCG, from about a half-dozen peeps on the Protocol.

I also got an e-mail from a blog reader who has a friend who was extremely successful on the Protocol, but who has since gained all of her weight lost back again (and guess what? I’m sure it brought friends.  Cuz it always does, dammit.)  Of course, then I read an article like this one, which cites the extremely high maintenance rate of those who lose using HCG (60-70%) over those who lose using other methods (10% or less).  And I’m left to wonder, as many of you may be, what is the truth?

What is the “best” way to lose weight?
Is HCG the “magic bullet” that we’ve been waiting for?

You already know my answer to that; at least, if you’ve followed my blog for any length of time or know me personally at all, you do.  Of course it’s not a “magic bullet.” As Oprah has said, if a magic cure for obesity/overweight existed, believe me when I tell you I’d have found it by now!  And used it!  No matter the cost!  (Okay, that’s not really true, but it makes for pretty good reading, doesn’t it??)

The bottom line is that like all other diets (yes, I hate that word too, please don’t blast me for using it in this context), HCG is simply a tool to take off excess weight.  It does a little bit extra for many of us, in that it also allows your body to reset the hypothalamus.  Whassat you say??  In layman’s terms (cuz that’s what I am people – a layman…or woman…but laywoman doesn’t sound entirely…appropriate…but I digress): using the HCG Protocol allows your body to (a) shed excess weight that it may have been resistant to shedding before and (b) fix some of the damage we’ve done to our bodies (or some pre-existing dysfunction) with yo-yo dieting by resetting it’s “set point.”  (“The set-point theory essentially argues that an individual’s metabolism will adjust itself to maintain a weight at which it is comfortable.” Click here for source & to read more.)

So, yeah, it makes sense then, if you believe that HCG operates in this way, that maintaining weight loss is slightly “easier” for those who use HCG as their tool.  But that does not mean that maintenance is easy; that you can eat whatever you want and not gain weight.  Maintenance is a life-long work that we all have to participate in. It will look different for each of us.  But there are common threads: commitment to eating healthy.  Balance/moderation/harmony in how we approach food and exercise.  Mindfulness.  And yes, that dreaded word…WORK.

I’m very frustrated when I hear of people who think HCG is a magic cure-all or easy fix; who don’t follow the Protocol and then bitch (sorry, I’m not sorry) about not losing weight.  Or whine about not keeping the weight off.  Who think that this is the magic pill we’ve all been dreaming of our whole lives.  That pill doesn’t exist, friends. And guess what?  One way in which the Protocol is exactly like other diets is that if you don’t follow the “rules,” it won’t work for you in the long run.*

Think about it.  Calorie counters?  If you throw counting to the wind and/or ignore what your calorie range should be for weight loss (or maintenance), how long will you continue losing/maintaining?  Weight Watchers; if you ignore your points range and just eat what you want, what happens?  South Beachers, if you start sneaking too many simple carbs into your plan, how well does that work for you?  Whatever your program or diet or tool or whatever of choice, it likely only works if you actually…you know…follow it.

By the same token, if you ignore the Protocol; cheat while on Phase 2; eat like a madwoman once you’re back to “normal” eating (I never say I’m going back to my old “normal” eating habits – I’m moving on to healthy eating habits!); sneak a drink (or three) at a party while you’re on the low-calorie phase of the Protocol…one of three things will happen:

(1) You will not lose weight;
(2) You will gain weight; or
(3)You will lose weight, think you dodged the bullet, and at some point in the future (probably when you’re trying to stabilize at your new, lower weight) it will come back to bite you in the ass.

Just as with anything else in life, our decisions and our actions have consequences.  Don’t pretend that just because your weight loss tool of choice is HCG, that rule of the universe does not apply to you.  No matter what tool you are using to lose excess weight, know that you still have to do the work.  The physical work.  Following the plan.  Also, the mental/emotional work that will allow you exist in a healthy-weight body without freaking out every time you look in the mirror because you feel like you’re seeing a stranger.

You gotta do the work, people.  Bottom line.

Thoughts?  I’d love to hear what y’all think about this stuff.

*This post is not intended to bash anyone who is struggling to follow-through, whether you’re on HCG or WW or PCP…oops, I mean, you know what I mean.  I get that it is hard sometimes.  Hell, I spent the better part of two decades struggling, doing well, stumbling, falling on my face, and getting back up again.  This post isn’t about the struggle.  This post is about trying to “game the system” and being pissed off when that doesn’t work.

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Pounds and Inches Update

By on November 5, 2010 in beauty/beautiful, body, eating, emotional stuff, hcg, hope/inspiration, R2P2, self-image, weight

I started to add this update to yesterday’s post, and then realized it really deserved its own separate post.  Big changes are happening around here, which you’ll understand as you keep reading.

Today is my last day of injecting on my second round of the HCG Protocol.  I am thankful to report that the weight I had gained during my little “interruption” of this round is long gone, along with a few extra pounds.  Today I weigh 189.5 pounds. People, that is momentous!  I honestly don’t remember the last time I was under 190, but I do know it was at least as far back as my junior year in high school.  I feel fantastic and am so excited to start my maintenance phase and keep focusing on my running, strength training, and overall health and wellness.

For those of you who are interested in an outside perspective/opinion on the Protocol, here’s an article on HCG by a thyroid patient advocate – a friend of mine shared this with me.  Let me know what you think!  I’ll be sharing some more in-depth thoughts with you in the near future about this Protocol and how it’s different – but in some ways exactly the same – as any other method of losing weight.

I’ve been promising to share measurements with you for a while, so here is the chart I’ve been using since I started.  It’s hard to see but if you click on the image it gets bigger!

I’ve lost a total of 32.5 inches off all the parts of my body that I’m tracking!  (Note: I only measure one side of my body, so right thigh, right bicep, etc.)  And with today’s weight of 189.5, I’m up to a total of 63 pounds lost on HCG, and a grand total of 109.1 pounds lost since my highest recorded weight in 2006.  Holy sheesh – that seems crazy to me – does it seem crazy to you?

For any new readers who may have stumbled on my blog recently, I want you to know that you can do it.  For years – decades, even – I felt hopeless.  I never gave up, but I never really believed I could do this, you know?  There was always a small big-ass kernel of doubt in my mind that made me wonder – can I ever really do this?  I had failed at reaching a healthy weight for so long, I didn’t know how to be anything but a fat girl who failed at weight loss.  And I’m not saying that to garner pity or admiration or for any other reason than to say, to those of you who may be feeling the same way, that I know how it feels.  And there is hope.  And you can succeed in your desire to achieve a healthy weight, a healthy body.  So please, never never never never never give up.  And as important as that: love yourself.  Know that you are enough and lovable and good and worthy just as you are.

So there you have it, folks.  My pounds and inches update.  A transition, after today, off the injections.  And Tuesday, I start phasing back in higher amounts of protein, fruits, and veggies.  I can also eat dairy, but I will be talking with my N.D. about how and when to add certain foods back in, since I might as well do this deliberately and test out whether I have any food sensitivities or allergies, right?  Anyhow, I’m excited.  So excited for what the next couple months hold.

How about you?  What are you looking forward to in the coming months?  And, if you could share one piece of advice with someone who is struggling right now, what would you say?

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