I’ve had this draft sitting in my “posts” folder for a while and for some reason, I found it hard to write this post. Why? I’m not sure, but maybe it’s because I’m in a kind of “limbo” right now with respect to the source of my motivation. For a long time, I was motivated by feeling like crap about myself. It’s easy to “want” to lose weight when you’re 100+ pounds overweight! Ironically, though, the more weight you lose, the less motivated you may become if “not being fat” is your motivation.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what my motivations are with respect to weight. And I realized that it’s really not about my weight anymore. Although I do still want to lose more weight – a fair chunk, actually – the way I feel now is amazing, night-and-day better than how I felt for all the years I was morbidly obese. There’s a quote I’ve heard that I will proceed to totally butcher here that gets my point across, and it goes something like this: change comes when the pain of your current circumstances is bad enough to make you move from point a (here) to point b (anywhere other than here).
Well what happens when the pain of here isn’t so painful anymore? You’ve gone from shopping in plus-size stores/departments your whole life to buying clothes in the “normal” stores or at Costco. You’ve gone from pain in your lower back or knees or feet or all of the above to feeling vital and healthy. No longer do you struggle to sleep well because of breathing issues or back pain. And so on – the benefits of the weight you’ve lost are outstanding and lessen the urgency of the need to lose more weight nowquickfastandinahurry!
That’s when the real, lasting reasons for weight loss kick in. Or when, as has happened for me, weight loss is no longer the goal. You discover what really makes you tick. What exercise you love. What goals you’re dying to achieve. And the journey becomes less about a number on the scale every day/week/month and more about you becoming the best you that you can be.
It’s not about your spouse.
It’s not about your family.
It’s not for that guy/gal you might meet on Friday night.
It’s not about looking a certain way for anyone else…or at all.
It’s not about your high school reunion.
It’s not about what others think of you.
Instead…
It’s about you.
What you love.
What YOU think of you.
Who you want to be.
How you want your life to look, forever.
Has to be for you, for your life, forEVER.
So, yeah…that’s what I’m thinking about these days. And I don’t have any answers really, except I know this journey has become a whole lot less about weight loss and a whole lot more about what I want to be. The life I want to live. The example I want to set for my future kids. And the memories I want to cherish when I’m 100+ years old and finally about to kick the bucket. And I have a feeling that what will matter to me then is not the number on the scale, but the love-joy-connection-community-adventure -ful life that I will have lived.
How about you? What’s motivating you right now? Is that motivation going to be enough to get you through this life-long journey?